1 year ago today I went in for skin removal surgery.

Over 14kg of skin removed.
2 surgeries.
About 17 hours in total.
21 days in hospital.
2 blood transfusions.
3 months laid low.

I’m still me.
Exactly the same person, yet there would be people in my life that wouldn’t be there had I not changed the external. There would be gigs I didn’t get.
Whispers around me. Shouted cruelties. Judgement all around.
I’m still me.

Gastric sleeve surgery saved me from a road ahead of health issues.
Plastic surgery saved me from discomfort.
I saved me from me.

Recently a journalist (who shall remain nameless) stated “they already hate themselves enough” when talking about obese people.
F that.
I never hated myself.
I didn’t love myself.
Big difference.

At my heaviest I was about 140kgs, at my lightest in my adult life 84kgs (this year). That number no longer controls my life. It’s about being fit & healthy. I’m really enjoying getting fitter, and working on my % of body fat. I run, do weights, yoga and yep, I’ve even given skipping a go now my boobs don’t give me black eyes.

That number on the scales would control if I had a good or a bad day. If I was great or pathetic. If I was a success or a failure. Never again.
When you go up and down (more up) as I did for decades there are pieces of you that no amount of exercise in the world will change (hello Side Show Boob), surgery is the only answer.

It’s ironic that the smaller I get the bigger me I am.

My weight never stopped me from living a full life, but it would have eventually. I thought I still looked good (mostly), I still got gigs, had great friends and amazing sex but those internal nagging voices were never silent.

It’s taken 48 years to really love & honour myself. 48 years to really know why I exist and that I belong. I can’t wait for the next 48!

There was a team that helped me get to where I am: Elodie, my close friends & family for amazing support. Dr David Martin for my vsg surgery. Dr Pouria Moradi for his incredible plastics skills. Nurse Josie for looking after me post surgery. Dr Nina Wines for working on my scars.