[365 Days of Extraordinary] Day 85 Transcript: Don’t Be A Dick

What’s with the dancing Sam?

Okay, so tonight, I want to tell you, ‘Don’t be a dick.’ All right. Now what do I mean? So, I’ll preface it by saying, and I’ve said it before and you’ve probably heard other people say it, we’re responsible for our feelings. So, you can say things like, ‘That person hurt my feelings.’ They actually didn’t hurt your feelings. They’ve said something, you’ve let it hurt your feelings. So, I think, I think we kind of understand that. I think most people, if they’ve done any self development work, personal development work or will or feeling emotionally intelligent, will understand that. So, it’s how… It’s the meaning that we give to the words people say that make us think, feel terrible. It’s not the actual words. It’s not like the words are a knife and going [inaudible 00:00:57].

We’ve turned those words into a knife on ourselves to hurt. On a positive, we can also turn happy words or good words or things that people say to us into being… Random things I have in my kitchen… Into being love hearts that we receive for ourselves. So, it does work both ways.

But what I want to say is, I had a situation a couple of weeks ago, where someone said some stuff to me that really hurt. They said the words. I don’t know if their intention was to hurt me, but those words, I took those words and I turned them into a knife on myself and pretty much incapacitated me for a day. And then I got my shit back together, realized that I had made them mean that and, for them there was truth in what they… Obviously there was some truth in what they said for them.

But, in hindsight, now going back and looking at it, and I’ve spoken to my coach and mentor about it, is that words, words are so powerful. Words can hurt, words can harm, words can… Because of the power we give them. So, words are like, they’re like a, they’re like a gift. You know? You can either give someone a beautiful gift or you can give someone a stinky gift. So when you’re saying something to someone, even if this situation is where you don’t like that person or you don’t like something they’re doing or you don’t resonate with them, any of those things. You don’t have to be a dick and nasty. So, that’s what all this is about. Is you can, you can say… You can be genuine, I’m never going to encourage anybody to lie, but you can be genuine and tell someone something in a negative way without being a prick.

Pinterest - Let's not be narrow, nasty, and negative - Samantha LeithOkay? You don’t need to be nasty. Taking it to that level is actually unnecessary everywhere. And, if we look at the world scape at the moment. Thank you. Yes, I agree. You can. You can be true to yourself and say something without being narky. Like it’s, it’s really not necessary. And we look on the world stage at the moment with leaders who shall not remain, shall remain anonymous, ha ha ha ha. And the words that come out of their mouth sometimes are venomous. And venomous words don’t achieve anything else. They don’t get your point across any better. In fact, they can actually just be, they are very polarizing. Very venomous words are very polarizing and can make people love you or hate you, I guess.

And, for some people, that might be the point. But, in general conversations and people that you know and people that are in your circle of friends or people that are in your family, you can say what you want without being nasty. Like, you really can. So, instead of saying… I’m going to try, I should’ve come up with an example before the solution, shouldn’t I?

Instead of saying, ‘You always cook Italian. I hate Italian.’ Or you don’t, you know, ‘You cook terrible Italian.’ Or something like that. You could say, ‘Italian is not my favorite food. I’d rather we have something else.’ So, you’re still saying you don’t want to eat it, but you’re not being a bitch. It’s… If you don’t like your situation, you can say, ‘I’m not very happy in this situation.’ You don’t need to say ‘You’ve organized a terrible party.’ Because those, if you’re not, if you’re… Generally, the nasty words are the ones where you won’t actually own what you’re saying. So, if you, if you’re putting venom in your languaging, it’s because you’re trying to push it out there. So, it’s their fault because of the situation or it’s their bad design or it’s their… It’s over there, over there, over there, over there. Which is… But the reality is, you’re trying to say something you feel, so make it more about you.

And it will often take away the venom in that language, because chances are you don’t want to be venomous about yourself. But the situation, as it is, is probably making you feel bad, so then you lash out and you say something narky. Don’t. Think about it. What are you, what are you trying to say? And how can you say it in a way that’s respectful? Because I’m a… Respect to such a big thing for me and that is not going to unnecessarily give people the words that they can turn against themselves. Because that’s, I don’t think that’s a great, I don’t think any of us, unless you’re a narcissistic so-and-so, I can’t even say that today. I don’t think there’s many people in the world that actually want to say things that people can turn against themselves. I hope not. I don’t think I know anybody that’s like that.

So, I just encourage you over the next couple of days, just when you’re in a situation where you want to say something negative about something or negative to someone or something that could possibly be a little more aggressive than it needs to be, question why you want to say that? Like, is it because you’re tired? Is it because you’re angry? Is it because you’ve actually done something really fucking stupid and you’re trying to blame someone else? Is it because you’re, you’re over committed? Is it because you got your period? Is it because… And that should never be an excuse by the way. Is it, you know, any of those reasons? But ask yourself. Why do I want to say it in this way? And, I’m sure, you’ll be able to come up with a way to twist it so you’re not, you’re not nasty. So, that’s all I want to do.

I want you to encourage you to speak your truth. Always be truthful. But be mindful, that the words that you say are so powerful and people can turn them against themselves in a flash. And, if someone was to say those words to you, in that kind of way, how would you feel? You know? And chances are, if you’re being venomous towards someone else, the venom makes, you’re actually showing that a little inwardly. So don’t. It’s not a case of spread the love, people. It’s really not. So speak your truth. Be honest. Be open and communication with people. But be respectful and don’t be a dick. That’s my advice.


[365 Days of Extraordinary] Day 84 Transcript: Getting Your Arse To The Gym, Or How To Get Motivated on Sunday!

Here I am Sunday morning I’m not driving, promise. I said never said I’d do that, but I’m a bit early for my gym class. I don’t want to go to the gym. I’m going to be really honest. Really, really don’t want to go. I’m tired. It’s Sunday morning I would rather be having a beautiful brunch with friends, or doing the assignments I’ve got to. Or doing some research reading, help, being back in bed. But I had to get up and get ready to drama. At the moment on my mirror I have written my three points of focus; of health, wealth, and wisdom. My health is a big thing for me at the moment. So I’m getting myself to the gym at least four times a week. I do it really begrudgingly like I truly do it begrudgingly. But I get here, and I do the class. I feel so alive and so happy because I did it.

Today’s class in particular; I kind of go, Oh, what’s important? I could do something else. Grumble, grumble, grumble. Because, Sunday is my BODYBALANCE class. And if you don’t know BODYBALANCE, is a Les Mills class, it’s like a combo of polarities and tai chi and yoga. So there’s lots of downward dogs, but there’s lots of stretching and there’s meditation and lots of balance work. And I kind of go, Oh you know, that’s not doing me much good because I’m not building up a mass of sweat and go huffy puffy, huffy puffy. But I come out of it so energized because I’ve been in flow and I’ve stretched my muscles and I’ve stretched my mind. And it’s been this slow poses [inaudible 00:01:46] and breathing and stuff, which I don’t tend to do a lot of.

So it’s a good class for me because sometimes I’m not very balanced and it actually makes me think about that. Sunday mornings instead of relaxing in bed or doing something else I want to do, I come to BODYBALANCE and I find a bit of balance. And I’m not saying this from a place of… I had a conversation with someone the other day who said, someone always talks about and therefore on my mind always talks about what they have to eat and what they’re going to do. And the gym workouts and things like that in a really negative kind of they don’t really want be doing it. But with anger, like with the vanity kind of thing, I’m not saying it like that. I’ve just wake up some days and feel like I just can’t be bothered and that’s okay. But not being bothered, the more days you’re not bothered, the harder it is to do something and the harder it is to get back into motivation.

Pinterest - I don’t count my sit-ups; I only start counting when it starts hurting because they’re the only ones that count - Samantha LeithI remember at the beginning of the year I went to the gym for 30 days in a row. And I thought, I really thought to myself, if I stuck to them, I did it. I’d never not go to the gym again. It would be like the thing that would push me over the edge of habit forming for the gym, and it didn’t. As soon as I got busy I’ve slipped off the wagon again or there was an excuse. Or I was tired or whatever because I did it in a… I don’t think I did it with the right motivation. Okay. So with things that some people wake up and they know they feel in their bones, how amazing their gym sessions going to be and nothing, nothing’s going to stop them from going. Like it’s exciting for them. It’s energizing. It’s like, yay, let’s do this, let’s do this, let’s do this. Me? Doesn’t work like this. I need to get my motivation in another way. And doing the 30 days, 30 days wasn’t the right way for me to do it. It really wasn’t.

So I’m looking at each class I’m doing now at the gym, the different kind of, what do I get out of it? I get something different from BODYBALANCE that I get from combat or that I get from the bar class yesterday. Man, my butt! Hoof! Partly why BODYBALANCE is good today. But in the bar class I like that it takes me back to my childhood and ballet classes and dance classes and things like that. So I’m looking for different, parts of what I’m doing at the gym to motivate me and that’s what’s got me here this morning instead of going back to bed after I dropped [inaudible 00:04:26] off. Or turning on Netflix or reading a book or going to have brunch with a friend, which I might do. I might meet a friend later this afternoon cause as you know that’s really important to me.

And BODYBALANCE, balance, yes. We all need a bit more balance in our life. Work life balance is bullshit. So you can read… Read, you can watch the other live I did on that. But yeah, find what actually truly motivates you to get your ass to do things like this rather than what you’ve been told is the best way to motivate yourself. Because if you motivate yourself with external things like that, it doesn’t last like it really doesn’t last.

And me going to the gym this morning doing this balance class, isn’t about the size of my ass. It isn’t about the numbers on a scale. I truly… I know at the end of that hour, especially after the meditation, and I did that every day anyway, that that stretching was [inaudible 00:05:27] I’m going to feel great. So I found a different motivation. So if there’s something you’ve got to do, you feel like you have to do in life that you kind of want to do, but you’re finding it hard to get the motivation to it. Look for different reasons for the motivation. Really go inside rather than doing the typical, it’s going to be good for me for X, Y, or Z. Find another reason to motivate yourself. So have a great day. Happy Sunday, and I’ll talk to you all later. Bye.