Yes. Oh, in the kitchen. Guilt and resentment. That’s what I want to talk about. So sometimes in life you’re asked to do something or you’re asked to something or you’re asked about something and you might respond to that said question or the invitation out of a sense of, I’m not going to say obligation, I’m going to say guilt. So we do things because like, “Oh shit, if I don’t do that, .”
And I remember very, very young, my mother saying to me I needed to say yes to something because to be worried about how someone would react to it if I didn’t say yes to it. And it stuck with me. It really, really stayed with me that I kind of got to do stuff, otherwise bad stuff happens if I say no. But what I want to caution you on is when you do that, and I’m just going to move that because, man, my boobs look big in this. Sorry, totally beside the point. I want to caution you on that because the trouble is if you feel guilty and it’s leading you to do something, you think, “Oh God, I can’t let the person down. I’ve got to do it. Oh shit, I can’t let the person down, I’ve got to do it.” So you do it and then it’s the double-edged whammy. Then you’re full of resentment.
And so you’ve got these two negative feelings eating away. You’re going , which make you feel like shit. Shit. They totally make you feel like shit. And I’m not saying say no to everything, and I’m not saying that it’s not good to think about other people in situations where you do have an opportunity to say yes or no. I think everything needs to be taken into account. But what I want to caution you on, because I’ve got tripped up on this today myself, is that when you act out of a place of guilt, not necessarily obligation, I really mean guilt, like, “Oh God, yeah, I’ve got to do it. Oh shit, I can’t say no,” it does lead to resentment.
So just have a think about it. You know the things I say: stop, breathe, gratitude, feel it in your gut. See what you really want to do. Look at how your boundaries are set for that particular thing and answer from a place of love, but answer it from a place that’s better for you. We’re not all slapping ourselves with whips because we’re feeling guilty and we need to do the right thing. And please don’t send me messages about being derogatory about religion. But if you are doing something because you’re guilted into it, don’t do it. And that’s my code for if you … It’s not good.
It’s never, ever, ever, ever, ever good to do something out of guilt. Because two of the worst emotions you can have, feelings of guilt and resentment, and they lead to shame. They lead to not getting out of bed, bed for a week because you feel like you did something really, really wrong. So don’t do it. Really, really, really, just promise me, don’t do it. Next time, practice. Next time you get asked, “Hey Sam, can you come to this dinner on Friday night?” And you think, “Oh God, I’ve really got to go. I’ve got to go. Shit, I feel bad. I got to go. I feel bad. I’ve got to go.” If you’re saying that conversation with yourself, I feel bad, I need to do something: beep, beep, beep, beep, warning. You don’t need to do it. Nothing should ever feel that bad, ever, ever, ever. So don’t. Guilt, resentment: get rid of them. Bye.