[365 Days of Extraordinary] Day 126 Transcript: What Drains You?

Samantha Leith What Drains You

Hey, good afternoon. Happy Sunday. Loving this daylight savings. Oh, light’s not very good is it. [inaudible 00:00:09] Better? Don’t know. Today I wanted to talk about what drains you. So we all have things in life that energize us, and then we have things in life that make us feel like we’ve been plugged in and someone sapped out all the energy from us. And they can be people, they can be physical environmenty things. It can be work related, it can be all sorts of things. But what’s important is that you notice what it is that is draining you. Really sit with how it feels and… Oh my God, there’s a spider’s web right there, didn’t notice that. Really sit with how it feels. And then that feeling, that knowing that what it is draining you, will hopefully, fingers crossed, make you want to change something about what it is that’s draining you.

Now I have talked about boundary setting before with people that you find energy draining, so I won’t go so much into that for today. You can go back and look at one of the other lives about that, or read the blog. Did you know, all of these, I get them all transcribed and they go up onto the blog, on samanthaleith.com, so if you’re more of a reader… Now, heads up, I don’t go through and spell check and check the grammar et cetera, they’re literally just the transcripts taken and put there, in case you do like reading or want to refer back to something at some point. And gradually as I get time I’m going through and adding any of the worksheets I talked about and putting them into that blog post as well. So you’ll be able to find them there.

So look looking at what drains you or who drains you. Now first things first, we’ll talk about career, business. So if you go into a workplace for example. Sometimes it might be messy, that can be energy draining. It might be a really long commute, which can be energy draining. It might be that there’s people that are really gossipy and [inaudible 00:02:18] when you’re in there, and that can be really energy draining. So I encourage you… And if you’re working in your own business or working in a job for somebody else, with somebody else, have a look at it. Because you can actually set up your own office and go, yay, I’ve got my own office, this is awesome. And without realizing it until you’re kind of partway through going, oh my God, this environment’s draining me.

Or the way I’ve set my business up as draining me because I’m outsourcing things to 10 different VA’s all over the shop and it’s making me go bonkers. That can be really draining. So ask yourself the question, what am I finding makes me go, oh… God. [inaudible 00:03:01] Okay, I’ve got to deal with this. Or exhausts you when you think about it. So if something’s frustrating you when you think about it or exhausting you when you think about it, or making you kind of go into that ugh mode, then I’d look at that as being something that’s draining in your life, in that particular area. So that’s a little bit about career and business.

Finances. Oh my God, this is a massive one for draining you. Are you never paying bills on time? Are you having those stacks of mail that you don’t want to look at, because, oh my God, there’s bills on there I can’t afford to pay. Are you scared about looking at one of those credit rating reports because you think, oh, there’s that old credit card I had and that’s going to make me look terrible, so I’d rather not look at it. Are you ignoring the fact that your interest rate keeps going up on your mortgage when everybody else’s is going down? Because the energy that it would take to change any of those things… Finances are a big one for draining because if you’re in a situation where you’re not managing your money and you’re living above your means or you’re really stressed about it, the energy gets so sapped that you don’t actually have the energy to do anything to get you out of the money drama that you’re in. Which is just awful because it’s a loop, it’s a pattern that you can’t get out of.

So I encourage you to look at it, ask yourself the question, what is it about my money that’s making me go [inaudible 00:04:35] or exhausting me or stressing me out and write down five… I like the number five, ironically because it’s not my lucky number. Write down five things that you’re finding really draining about your finances because then we can look at, what do I need to do about those things to change them. And the same with all of these categories that we go through. Come up with a couple. If there’s something in that area that’s draining you, write it down, nut it out. Really think about it. Sit with it. And as I said, that’s how you implement change.

Romantic life, oh love life. Is that draining you? Are you spending all your hours on Tinder and Bumble and getting stressed out and feeling really shit about yourself because you haven’t got anything happening. Then it’s draining you. Get rid of it. If it’s not bringing you joy and zest for life, don’t do it. And a lot of those apps, et cetera, if you’re searching for a partner or either a romantic partner or a sexual partner or you know the love of your life. If you’re in that pattern of searching, searching, searching, searching, searching, that can be really draining and it might be time to turn off. If you’re already in a relationship, then a lot of boundary stuff within relationships can impact you and start making you feel really drained.

So, who is responsible for things? Do you have… [Brooke Astaire 00:06:00] talks a lot about… I’ve just forgotten what she calls it. Not the guide, but the manual. The manual that we have for other people. Oh no… Jen, you can’t have her draining you to death. You need to work on that. We can fix that. Everything is figureoutable, according to Marie Forleo. Yeah. Relationships that shouldn’t be draining. Relationships have bumps and speed humps and lumps and curves and drama that go with them. But if they’re really draining you and getting to the point where you feel like that, something’s, something’s got to give or talk about or work on.

Pinterest - Don’t let anyone drain you of your happiness today. Be drama free. Rise above the petty stuff - Samantha LeithAnd tell you, relationship counseling is awesome for people in relationships and people should never be scared of that. It’s a strong couple that goes to relationship counseling and works on these things and tries to fix them and it’s in that relationship counseling, which I am not by any stretch of imagination, probably the last person you should come to for relationship advice. No, not quite. People that go to counselors to talk about their relationship and work on those, the stories that I hear about the changes that they can make and the power that comes into it. Amazing. But again, you can’t get to that point unless you can be really honest with yourself like you’re being and go, my relationship’s really draining me. I don’t know whether I’m Arthur or Martha. I’m doing all the grunt work and they’re not doing anything. I’m providing all the financial stability and they’re not contributing.

If you’re feeling in that kind of [inaudible 00:07:45]. or simply they snore and sleep talk all night so you’re really tired. That can be really draining. It can be something as simple as that that is making that relationship feel awful. So again, sit down, go to a place where, like I’m in my courtyard at the moment, you’ve got a place where you feel nice and you can sit down and be honest with yourself and think about these things and write it out. Write it out, write it out. You know what I say? Write it out. If you write it out, it makes it all real and you can confront things a lot easier.

Next one’s family and friends. Now I again talked about this before with toxic friendships and relationships and family and things. But if you’ve got friends that are draining you, there’s nothing in the rule books that says they still need to be your friends, people. It’s not… You don’t need everyone to like you. You don’t need to stay friends with everybody forever and you don’t need to like everybody. And if there’s a relationship that’s not equal in your friendships, so you’re getting drained by the energy you have to put into that friendship all the time. Or you feel, because it may not actually be true, but you might feel like you have to do so much more work or you’re always the person calling or your always a person driving to see them. You’re always the person that pays, dah, dah, dah. And that can get really resentful. So any of those situations can be really, really draining.

Might be a case where you’re always the person that listens and that can be really draining because you feel like you’re not getting an avenue to do the talking. That kind of friendships and family draining is a big one and it can completely paralyze you. And this one I do know, absolutely from my heart. When you’re in relationships where you don’t feel like they’re even in friendships and family, it can cause so much resentment and turmoil and can destroy the relationship when it would have been easier to [inaudible 00:09:39] end the relationship early on before it got to that point, or set better boundaries. And remember that in any of those situations you can’t control what someone else is doing, how they’re acting, what they’re saying, how they’re feeling. You can’t change how they’re feeling. That’s totally up to them. So don’t think that anything you’re saying or doing is going to change what they’re doing or feeling because it’s not, okay. It’s absolutely not. So that’s another big one. Sit down, write out anything, in area of your life that is draining you.

Physical environment. Touched a little bit on this in the do it diet, that three part I did. If you’re in a messy cluttered environment, if there’s… Says me who’s got a massive spider web just dangling in front of me there, is making you feel icky. I know myself. I find that incredibly draining. I have been told by friends that, “Sam your house doesn’t have to look so perfect. We don’t mind if it’s messy when we come over.” I’m like, “I actually don’t do it for you guys. I don’t care if you don’t like how my house looks, I can’t stand it if it’s messy. If I haven’t put everything away, I don’t like it. I feel sick, I feel drained.” So physical environment’s really important to me.

They’re broken things. It was funny story. I had a broken toilet roll holder and it’s in the bathroom I don’t use. So I didn’t really care about it. And I had a very good friend of mine, Yvonne said to me a couple of times, she’s like, “If I come to your place one more time and that toilet roll holder’s not fixed, argh.” And I asked Olivia about it and she was like, “Yeah, it’s really annoying mum.” And I was like, “Oh, okay.” So it was draining other people and annoying them, but not me. So I got it fixed. Now everybody’s happy with the toilet roll holder.

But if a fly screens broken or there’s a broken gate or dead plants in the garden, lots of weeds, anything like that. If you’ve got curtains that are broken. I’ve got a couple of curtains at the moment and the interfacing on the back of… Oh, I knew that word. I’m so impressed with myself. [Nereli 00:11:56], if you watch this later, woo, woo. And the interfacing’s starting to like disintegrate. So on the floor I’m getting like bits of [inaudible 00:12:10]. It’s the fluff. And I was like, what the hell is that? And I was like, Oh my God, it’s [inaudible 00:00:12:09]. So it’s time for new curtains. Now that’s making me go, ugh. Physical environment, big one. Broken things. Get rid of them. You don’t need that chipped bowl. You’re never going to fix it. I know that one, don’t I?

Fun and recreation. Are you doing enough? If you’re actually… This is a reverse one, because fun and recreation should be energizing and invigorating and make you feel fabulous. So the draining part is if you’re not doing it or if you’re doing things that are fun and recreational for someone else because you haven’t set up the right relationship with them to let them know that you really, really don’t enjoy fishing. So fun and recreation should really be what it says, fun and recreation. So there’s things in your life in that category that are draining you, chances are it’s actually linked to one of the other categories. So you might be playing a sport and you love the sport, but because of money, you’re not getting the right equipment, which is making you feel bad about the sport that you actually love. So look at where there’s a link to another category in your life, that the fun and recreation part that is making you feel bad about it. Okay?

Next one… What was I going to talk about… Oh, up here and in here. Spiritual, emotional, mental wellbeing, development, et cetera. This is a big one. If you’re suffering from any anxiety, depression, sadness, stress, your cortisol levels are out of wonky, your diet’s not great. Any of those kinds of things impact how you’re feeling mentally, spiritually, in your heart, et cetera. But again, when you’re feeling drained spiritually or you’re feeling like you’re not doing what you’re meant to be doing and that’s really draining you, or you’re feeling like you’re a bit empty, chances are, again, this is one of those things where it’s actually about one of the other areas. So when you’re not getting drained in those other areas, the spiritual and emotional wellbeing goes up and up and up and up and up and you feel better and better and better. So if you’re getting drained in those, that can’t come up and it will weigh you down. So again, if you’re feeling ick in any of those areas, in physical, spiritual, heart centered stuff, look at other areas of your life.

And the last one is health. Now draining in your health… I know recently I’ve had a whole lot of tests done. And so healthy is not funny, considering I look so tired. Apart from one area that we did the tests on, and that’s actually made me feel really good because now we know what the issue is and I can work on the issue. Previously I was like, I’m going crazy. So I would actually suggest for most people… And I’m not a health coach, I’m not a wellness coach, so it’s not my area of expertise, but I’m amazed at the number of people that don’t go every so often, every couple of years, every year, whatever, depending on what your family history is and actually have a really good look at everything.

Now if you go to a more, I’m not going to say modern, but a more integrative GP or clinic, they will run a lot of tests that standard GPS won’t do. So you’re talking to a doctor that actually will look at different areas in your life, is great because they will do the tests that other people won’t. And then you’ll get better answers. So again, in your physical health, if you’re feeling drained, chances are it’s because you’re not looking after one of the other areas that I just talked about. So it’s all about those boundaries and the decluttering and who’s spending time with and what you’re doing to motivate yourself. If any of those areas are out of alignment, your physical health will be impacted.

So let’s recap. I want you to look at the areas of your life where you are feeling drained or stressed or going, “Oh my God, I can’t believe I’m going to do this.” So what are they? Career or your business, your finances. It’s a lot about the money, honey. Your romantic life, sex, life, family and friends, your physical environment, your fun and recreation, your heart and spirituality stuff and your physical health. Look at any of those areas, write down five things that are making you feel drained or stressed or [inaudible 00:16:57] when you think about it. And then tomorrow night I will talk about how we can look at those and make them better and not be so drained. Because you don’t want to be drained in life, you want to be happy and vibrant and smiling. Have a great night and I’ll see you tomorrow.