[365 Days of Extraordinary] Day 224 Transcript: The Impact Lying To Yourself Has On Your Confidence

by | Sep 1, 2020 | 365 Days of Facebook Lives

Hey gang. It’s Monday night, public holiday night and you’ll probably notice I haven’t changed my word yet up there. I have to do that this week, the downside of being away for so long. So, how does the lies we tell ourself impact our confidence? Well, in many, many, many, many ways. So I want to share with you what my top lies I tell myself are or have historically told myself. One of them would be, you can afford that. Mm, big one. I have enough time, you have enough time to get there. You will get into that. They’re probably the top three, actually. Yeah. Yeah, definitely the top three. You get it done. So there are four. I should come up with five. I should, what’s the five one?

Mm, I don’t know what my fifth one is, but we’ll go with the top four. So the top four are, you got enough time to get there. You’ve got enough time to get it done. You will fit into that and you can afford it. And I tell myself that all the time. Go into a shop, try out a pair of pants and go, Ooh, five kilos away, you’ll get into that, you’ll definitely get into it. Don’t worry about it. Buy it, put it in your wardrobe. Oh, hang on, you can afford that so put it in your wardrobe to maybe fit one day. Moronic, people and I’m acutely aware of it now so I’ve stopped for the most part. And what did all this lying end up doing to me? Well, totally depleted my self confidence in many areas.

I’d open a wardrobe, look at things and go, Oh, I still can’t get into it so clearly I’m a failure because I haven’t managed to lose the weight I thought I would lose miraculously overnight to be able to get into that outfit. “Ba bong” says many women and men all over the world, every single day. You can afford it. How did that impact my confidence? Well, you pick up the credit card statement, babong, now how do I pay for the phone bill? Oh, I’m a terrible provider. I’m a bad mother. I’m not earning enough so I’m clearly hopeless at what I do, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Nudge away at self confidence.

Oh, I’ve got heaps of time. I’ll get there in time. Traffic jam, you end up running late. You feel shame and you feel hopeless and helpless because you’ve let someone down because you haven’t got there in time. You clearly an idiot because you didn’t leave enough time to actually get to the said place. And they’re going to hate you because you arrived five minutes late. Oh, I’ve got enough time to get that done. So, you don’t. So you over promise, under deliver, stay up late. Hate yourself. Feel terrible because you didn’t get it done. Feel like shit because you didn’t get enough sleep because you were rushing trying to get it done. Then you feel bad because you didn’t get it done well enough. Oh my golly gosh, gosh. Those four little lies that you think just, yeah, they’re all right, you’ll get there in time. Oh, and look you’ll definitely lose the weight. No, every time you lied to yourself, now I’m not … I’ve talked about lying before and there is lying on a bigger scheme of things as lying in a more worldwide sense, which we have talked about.

Pinterest - Reality denied comes back to haunt - Samantha Leith1But I’m really talking about these little fibs almost that you tell yourself to kind of make yourself feel better. Yeah, I’ll get there. They never make you feel better. They never ever do so stop doing it. Stop doing it. Now, how do you stop doing it? Well, you’ve got to be brave. You’ve got to get courageous and you’ve got to look yourself in the mirror and you’ve got to jump over the hurdle of actually telling the truth. So we’ll go back to the four examples I have given tonight and what would I do to tell myself the truth and stop that habit in those situations. So I’m at the shop and I’m trying on the jacket. Squeezing my arms into it and my pendulous bosom. It’s not fitting.

And I think to myself, Oh, she’ll be right. I’ll be fine, I’ll get into this in a few months time. Stop. No, look yourself in the mirror, look up and down. Feel how comfortable it is and ask yourself the question. Am I able to wear this now? Do I feel great in this now? If the answer to those two questions is no then put it back on the rack. There will be something, if not the same thing, there will be something similar if, and when you lose enough weight to get into a different size. If you really love it and you really want it now get a bigger size. Okay? Because it is only a label and you know what, unless you’re taking your clothes off randomly in the middle of rooms or shopping centers with other people, nobody is going to see the size on your clothes.

They are never going to know whether that pair of pants was a size 14 or a 16 so buy the ones that fit. Yes, Samantha, Mary, I am talking to you. Yeah. I still slip into that one occasionally. Whoops. Easy, right? Lie number two, I can afford that. Mm-hmm (affirmative), if you want to follow someone, follow the Budget mom, M-O-M because she’s American. She has some great tips about using the envelope principle for having the cash to actually do things. And I’ve kind of implemented a little bit of it now because I’m getting so much better at my spending because I have ridiculous amount of credit card debt. That’s a whole other world of pain to talk about, but it works. It’s been happening for decades. I used to actually work with a woman who every Thursday night, when she got paid, she would put all her money into little envelopes. She paid off her mortgage quickly. She and her husband always had great trips. Easy, no credit card debt.

So ask when you’re wanting to buy something or go out somewhere or grab an extra subscription, really, really question it, have you actually got the cash to do it? Now there could be a debit card rather than physical cash in your wallet but have you actually got the cash to do it? Because if you don’t, put that back. Say no, I can’t come to dinner tonight. Thank you so much for the invitation. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to come. Now you do not need to explain your ass to the people you’re saying no to. You can just say no, I’m unable to come. They don’t need to know your broke ass can only afford two minute noodles that week. Okay? You’ll feel promise, promise, promise, promise.

Time, oh my God. So wrap the last two together. Time is like an elastic thing. We have only got so much of it, but we think we can stretch it and stretch it and stretch it and stretch it and stretch it and then bang, it slaps us in the face, we’ve run out of time and we are running like chicks with our head chopped off. Really, your calendar is your friend. The more systematized you are with putting things in your calendar and using to do lists, etcetera, or having do goals, having your goals in there, having prioritization, having daily checklists for things you need to get done, have all your appointments in there. I’ve even got my 20 minutes to get ready in the mornings in my calendar now. The more you do that, the better off you’ll be.

The other thing I’ve started to do because I continually told myself the lie that I had enough time to get somewhere is I’ve started to put driving times in my calendar. Yes. Using that little tool that is in there. When you sit an electronic appointment in there, you can add a driving time. Brilliant. It is really, really, really helping, I encourage you to use it. And on the Work front, it’s all about planning and that’s like a workshop. It’s a six week program in itself about making sure you have enough time to get stuff done. But my point to you is to stop lying to yourself about it and be realistic. So this weekend, for example, I’ve worked like a MOFO. I’ve had everything in hour increments, hour increments and half an hour increments and 15 minute increments. I’ve blocked my whole weekend from social media to going to the gym, to working.

And I’ve set myself a timer with each and every single one of them and what I’ve done So I didn’t get upset about not getting everything I wanted done done, is if I felt a little bit tired or a little bit that’s enough for now, et cetera I’ve moved what I had in the calendar to get done in that next time block to somewhere else. So I wasn’t lying to myself by thinking I could keep getting it all done. And I also wasn’t making myself feel bad about not getting it done. I simply moved it to another time. Okay? Now I needed to do that this weekend. I don’t always recommend that because what we want to get into the habit of doing is if you say something is going to take an hour make it take an hour. Okay? Put down the phones, delete the games. Don’t go on YouTube, don’t pet the dog. Don’t go watch CSI, whatever it is that you kind of use as a distraction technique to getting stuff done, remove.

And the last bit on that one. When you say to yourself, I’ve got enough time to get it done can quite often happen when someone else is asking you to do something, okay. So when someone else is asking you to do something, look at your calendar first, first, first, first. Do not go straight into the, Oh, they need me, they want me, they need me, they want me, they need me, they want me and just say yes. Don’t do that. Okay? Go into your calendar first and ask yourself honestly if you really have the time to get it done. If you really want to do it, if you really have to do it, if they really need you to do it, if it’s in the spectrum of what you have to do, then yeah, a discussion may happen. It may need to move in order for you to fit it in but don’t automatically lead from that place of, yes, sure I can do it. Yeah, yeah, I can do it. I can do it. No, don’t do that. Don’t do that, bad.

Because every time you tell yourself one of these lies and every time you find yourself failing at any of these things, a chunk gets bitten out of your confidence, every single time. So imagine your confidence is like a, Oh, I’m hungry. I’m going to go with the croquembouche analogy. Imagine your confidence as a great big croquembouche bush. You know, those beautiful profiteroles, clearly hungry and not eating sugar at the moment. Great big thing of adverbials and every time someone knocks your confidence, one of those profiteroles comes out and out and out and as those profiteroles come out the towers is like ooh. It’s like a Jenga. You’re play Jenga. And each time a chunk comes out of your confidence, the tower wibbles and wobbles, and wibbles and wobbles so we don’t want to do that. Every single lie is a Jenga piece coming out of that tower. So stop it. Stop. Just stop, people. Okay?

That is my words for the wise tonight. I will see you all tomorrow, back at reality. No more pool and hanging out at home stuff. Bye. Have a great night.

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