[365 Days of Extraordinary] Day 248 Transcript: Resilience

by | Sep 23, 2020 | 365 Days of Facebook Lives

Hey guys. Today, guys, gals people, friends, family, lovers, loved ones. People on the interwebs. Hi. I want to talk about resilience today. Yes, resilience. And it comes up a lot for a lot of people. Like a lot of people. And resilience, I will give you the definition. Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties, toughness. Now I see resilience a bit like, oh I’m going to forget the name of them. Those big blow uppy things at the front of car yards that go Ooh, and they fall down and come back up. I kind of see, oh if you know what they’re called, can someone please let me know because I’ve forgotten. I see resilience a bit like that. Like in life, as we all know, there are ups and downs. Life is a roller coaster. Life is a wave. There’s happy moments and sad moments. There’s energetic moments, there’s defeated moments. There’s angry moments. There’s funny moments like life is that total kaleidoscope of stuff. But the reality is sometimes crap happens. And a lot of the time, there’s nothing you can do about that crap.

Now, sometimes we cause our own crap and we have to kind of wear the responsibility for that, and that’s a whole other live. And I’ve talked about that a bit in the past, but what I’m talking about is when something knocks you a little bit sideways or down, sometimes it can totally knock you down. And it’s about how resilient you are, how capable you are of picking yourself up. You know that old saying, like pull yourself up by the britches and get going that are mothers, grandmothers, whatever may have actually said in the past. But it’s about being able to deal with what’s happened, bounce back and keep going without it having an impact on you, short or longterm. Because sometimes we think things haven’t had an impact on us and they may not have had impact on us short term, but other stuff happens. And then it’s a … Sorry, just trying to get the angle.

And then longterm, we kind of go, oh, that’s still there. That’s still bothering me. That’s still an issue. Maybe I wasn’t actually as resilient as I thought I was. Maybe I didn’t deal with that as well as I thought I did. Maybe I need to look at how I could have dealt with that better should that kind of thing happened again in the future. So there’s lots of things that can knock us for six. There’s environmental things, political things, relationships, business, health, so many things. One of the most common things that you need to be resilient is stuff that happens in the workplace, stuff a coworker says, or a project that didn’t kind of go a plan or an invitation you didn’t get to something.

Sometimes those seemingly teeny tiny things, the way someone said something to you can totally knock you out for the count and send you to drinking, eating, depression, sadness, anger, a gazillion things, because you weren’t resilient enough to actually deal with that. So I want to talk about a few of the things that I think are good things to help deal with making you a bit more resilient.

So one of them is, it’s kind of like a boundaries thing. So it’s boundaries, time management, calendar management, life management, all that kind of stuff together. So you find if your life is, and I don’t want to use the word compartmentalize because I think that has … I don’t like how that feels for me when I say that. But what I’m talking about is if something’s going on in the workplace, for example, but you have this lovely little boundary about the workplace and how you feel about what’s going on in there, what does go on there, your hours, all that kind of thing. If something happens in that workplace, the resilience you need is in that area. And if you’re really good at that boundary setting and your time in calendar management, that won’t spill over to the other areas of her life, so then when you get into those other areas of your life, you can generally let that go a lot faster.

Pinterest - A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles - Samantha LeithWhereas if we don’t have those good boundaries or those lines have blurred between business, personal, family, children, friends, all that kind of stuff. When all that’s blurred, now time kind of melds between school pick ups, board meetings and sex with a partner. If something’s happened in one of those areas and we don’t have the boundaries, it’s a lot harder to be resilient. It blends in and we take kind of the hangover of that bounce down. We take that into that other area of our life. Whereas if they’re separate, it’s a lot easier to bounce back and move on to the next thing.

Now I’m not saying, when I’m talking about bouncing back, I’m not talking about not dealing with it. There’s a big difference between bouncing back, protecting like nothing happened, putting on a fabulous smile and you just keep going as though there’s nothing wrong. That’s not resilience. That is being an idiot. And I mean that in the nicest possible way. If that’s the kind of thing you do and that’s the practice that you keep doing, it will eventually get to you and knock you for six and you’ll be like, all resilience gone. So it’s really important to learn how to be more resilient. It’s a really vital life skill, I think.

Self care is a big one. So in self care, I’m talking about many different things. So meditation, mindfulness, sleep. Honestly, you can be more resilient if you’ve just had enough water. If you’ve been hangry, it gets really hard to bounce back when someone’s done something that’s hurt you or insulted you or caused you an issue. So I know that seems so daggy, water and resilience, but all that self care stuff is so important. And one of the biggest ones in that self care realm, I think, is self compassion. So if you have a lot of self compassion, if something goes wrong and you feel like it’s knocking you out, you can talk to yourself, deal with yourself, work out why you felt like that. Why it’s knocked you for six? How could you deal with it a bit better? How’s it made you feel? Why has it made you feel that way?

Like if it’s made you feel that way, is that because someone, when you were seven, said a similar thing to you and you it’s brought up feelings of inadequacy as a child? And the more self compassion you have, the more self awareness you have and the easier it is to learn from those things and keep going. So self compassion incorporates a whole heap of things in this five tips. In other ones, not so many. Different ones, I separate them.

Another one is journal about it. So crap happens. We’ve talked about it. As we all know, 50% of your life’s going to be great. 50% is going to be … It might be like 25% fabulous, 25% okay, 25% mmm, and 25%, ahh. The four faces of sad. That’s hilarious. I don’t know how the transcriber’s going to do that one. So yes, journal about it. So get out your trusty journal when things happen and send you sideways and write about it because the awareness of why it made you feel that way. Or why you reacted in a way that you did will help prevent it from happening again, if it’s the wrong thing. Will make him aware of what happened and he can deal with things.

Might also, in some cases, it’s really good when you do journal that kind of thing to be able to then go, okay, this is what happened. This is how I need to deal with it. And then it might actually give you the words to use to talk to the person, if there’s another person involved. If there was someone else involved in that setback or that curve ball, journaling can be a really good way of knowing how to with it. That was tip number three.

Tip number four is take a break, especially in the workplace. Or actually, you know what? I’m going to say anywhere. Say something’s knocked you for six at home. Then go for a walk. You know what? You don’t actually need … One of the most powerful things we can do as human beings is not react. So let me get all reactionary and we’re like someone knocks us for six. And we’re like, well you cry. That reaction actually takes away our power. And we may have been taught when we were younger, that those kind of reactions might get you more attention. Or you might think it gets you more loved or get you the answer that you want. It doesn’t.

It actually takes away a lot of your power because you’re in this frenetic kind of state. So one of the best things you can do when you get knocked for six is take a break, take a walk, listen to some music, have a cup of tea, meditate, have sleep, read a book. But taking that step back and not going straight into reactionary mode can really help build resilience. Because again, it gives you the time and the space to think about what actually happened. And that’s, as you know, . No idea why I went to Spanish then. .

And the last tip for resilience is forgiveness. Two pronged forgiveness. Back to the self compassion bit, I want you to forgive yourself for whatever happened. So if you did something wrong and you need to bounce back from that, I need you to forgive … You need, rather. Not I need. You need to forgive yourself for that. If you got knocked for six because of something somebody said or did, and it’s brought up a feeling for you, which has then caused a reaction, I want you to A, forgive yourself for that reaction. But B, forgive the other person for what role you believe they played. Now this is important. You believe they played, because if someone said something or done something, remember your responsible, for how you react to that.

So it’s not like you go up to Bianca and say, Bianca look, I just want to say, I forgive you for what you said to me yesterday. It really knocked me for six, but I’m a resilient person so I forgive you. Now, you don’t need to do that. Really forgiveness is about you. And the other thing is Bianca might not want to be forgiven. She actually may have wanted to hurt you. There may have been a valid reason what she said. So what her thinking is kind of doesn’t matter in these instances. This is about how you feel and how resilient you become. So forgiving the other person or forgiving yourself from the situation is all about you. All about you.

Even if you have to be resilient because your boss gave you one instruction to do something, you did that instruction. And then he comes back and says, “No, that was all wrong. You should have done something else.” You don’t need to go up and go I forgive you for giving me the wrong instructions because he’s not going to acknowledge that he gave you the wrong instructions. So you just need to forgive the situation and what happened, deal with it and move on. Resilience, resilience, resilience. It’s like, you know how I talk about confidence being a muscle. Resilience is a muscle. Most of these things that we work on are just tools that we need to practice, the skills that we need to add to our toolbox.

It’s like my big makeup case. Every single one of these skills we get, we pack into our little makeup case of life and we carry it around with us. And when we need a moment to pop on a little resilience, mop on a little bit of charisma, flick our lashes with a little bit of sensuality. Hi buddy. That’s what we carry around with us. So every time we act on these things and we learn a little bit more that toolbox, that makeup box, that kit, that self esteem, all of those things just gets bigger and bigger and bigger. And resilience is a really big, big, big part of that. Promise you.

So the other thing I wanted to say is resilience changes over time. So depending on where you are in life, thank you all. Depending on where you are in life, depending on the external circumstances, depending on the internal stuff that’s going on in here and here, your resilience will change. Your resilience will change with your hormones people. And I include guys in that. You have hormone fluctuations as well. Resilience will always change. So it’s about taking the time to do those five things I talked about. What were they?

Boundary, calendar, time management, that kind of protection of your zones, self care or compassion, journal about it, forgiveness and take a break. They’re the five things I want you to keep remembering every time something hits you for six or knocks you out or sends you down, or like one of those big balloony guys outside a car place, you flopped down. I want you to learn how to bounce back up, bounce back up. Because the faster you can bounce back up, the more things you can do in life. And that’s the exciting bit. We don’t need anything to keep us knocked down for too long. We don’t want that. So have a great night everybody, afternoon. And I will see you all tomorrow. Bye.

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