[365 Days of Extraordinary] Day 256 Transcript: Being Present In Conversations

by | Sep 28, 2020 | 365 Days of Facebook Lives

Hey everyone. I’m in Auckland, New Zealand. So, if you look over here … Oh, how do I do this thing? Sky Tower, that really, really big thing that people walk out on and I don’t know why they do that stuff. Weird people.

I wanted to talk about being present in conversations. So this hit me today because … It was actually a coaching call and we were talking about being present and how you’re more present in conversations. And it hit me that for years, that monkey chatter that went on meant that I wasn’t present in conversations. So I’d meet someone, I’d be in a conversation and it would be like, there’d be all these things going on in my brain. So I wouldn’t remember the person’s name, who I just met. I wouldn’t remember probably half of the conversation because my mind was going … And all this other stuff’s going, bills got to be paid, I’m learning this, I’m doing this.

And I don’t know if it’s a maturity thing, where we get to a point where we can have conversations with people and actually just be part of the conversation. I don’t know, I’m going to work on this one, because I’ve noticed with my daughter, for example, her … And it’s not vagueing out in a conversation, but it’s not quite being totally there. And there’s a difference. So you can be, for all intents and purposes, the person you’re having the conversation with can think that you’re completely present. You’re there. You’re talking to them, “Oh my God, you’re so interested,” but you’ve got the grocery list going on in your brain and you’re not quite there.

Pinterest - The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness - Samantha LeithAnd when you start to notice this with people, you pick it up on yourself and you think, “Where am I doing that in my life? Where am I vagueing out in a conversation? Where am I vagueing out in a work situation? Where am I vagueing out in a …” Even in a thought process with myself. And that’s a weird one. So when are you having a moment where you’re thinking about stuff about yourself, but you’re thinking about other stuff about yourself. That’s weird. I know that’s really weird, but admit it, you do it. You think, “I’m thinking about this, I’m dealing with this, but over here you’re going, “I’m going to deal with something else instead.”

So we need to learn the art of … And this is not just about having phones, or having physical distractions to conversations and physical distractions to being in the moment. This is actually about the internal stuff, the stuff that’s going on for us, that means we’re not part of the conversation or the moment.

And it can be a meal with someone where you’re eating and you’re thinking, “I don’t have enough money.” It can be about … It’s not weird, thank you. I’m a little bit weird though, aren’t I Johnny? Just a little bit. But it happens all the time. And I think when you notice when you’re doing it to yourself, that’s when you go, “This is really disrespectful, it’s not good enough to vague out on myself. So therefore, it’s not good enough to vague out on other people.”

So bring yourself back into the present. So when you’re meeting someone, when you’re talking to someone, it’s about being in that moment. It’s about having space for their conversation. It’s about having space for your conversation and for your thoughts within that conversation. It’s about creating … What’s the word I’m looking for … Connections, not kind of quite it, but you probably know where I’m going with it.

It’s about knowing that that moment between the two people, or between the four people, the five people, the ten people whatever’s going on between yourself, between the one person, that all you’re thinking about in that moment is what’s going on. That’s it. Because at the end of the day, they’re actually the most important moments, they really, really, really are. If you’re want meeting someone and you’re thinking about the dishes that are still sitting in your sink and you get hit by a bus on the way home, you didn’t give them the best you.

And at the end, we want to give our best us to everybody. We want to give our best us to us. And we can only give our best us to us if we’re fully present. So that’s my message for you guys tonight. Regardless of where you are, who you’re with, I just challenge you please, please, please stop the monkey chatter, stop the shopping list, the to-do list, the “Does my ass look big in this?” The, “What am I going to eat?” The, “Is it going to rain and the washing’s going to get wet?.” All that stuff means you’re not being with the other person. And that’s what’s important.

So tomorrow, when you’re having a conversation with someone, forget everything except what is happening in that conversation. Think about their name. Think about their loves. Think about their values. Think about what they’re saying to you. Think about how they’re feeling, how they’re smelling, how they’re … Everything about that person. I want you to fully immerse yourself in that conversation.

Start, you need to think about being present with people and what you’re going for is just being present with people. You shouldn’t have to think about it, it should just be what you do. Please, please be what you do.

So have a great night. All the funeral activities are over. So I’ll be heading home tomorrow and I will see you all tomorrow. Good night.

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