Hello, everybody. Happy Monday. Is there a song for happy Monday? (singing). No. There’s so many Monday songs. Most people don’t like Mondays, I kind of like Mondays. I kind of like Mondays, because to me, Mondays is like a fresh start, it’s like the first day of the month, it’s the whole newness of it. Yes, I’m one of those people that doesn’t like starting anything new on like a Wednesday, unless it’s the first of the month. And that’s ridiculous. In terms of habit forming, just pick a day, any day, it does not need to be the first of the month, first of the year, the first of Spring, the first of when your dog was born, it really doesn’t matter, just pick a day. But I like Mondays and things.
Which brings me to the topic today. There were certain things we all like. And there are these really, really clever people throughout history that have worked out what it is that people like and why. And they’ve created personality profiling things, they’ve created other tools, they’ve written books, they’ve done videos, they’ve shown us the way so to speak. And one of those tools that I want to talk about today in terms of working out what you like or what somebody else likes is a thing called The Five Love Languages, which was written by a guy called Gary Chapman, think about 25 years ago. I should probably have brought that up before I started this. I think it’s about 25 years.
So, The Five Love Languages. And now it’s become this behemoth of tools. So there’s Five Love Languages now for teens, for singles, in business, there’s military editions, there’s men’s editions, there’s… What else did I see? Children, teens, workplaces, all sorts of ones. Because did you know we all have a love language. Now, how you get to know… I think we all really know what our love language is before we take the test or take the quiz or read the book, but you don’t know, know. Does that makes sense? You’re kind of suspicious because… I’ll tell you what happened to me.
Many, many years ago, I remember doing something for someone and they just kind of took what I did and in my very inner kind of… Okay, I was a little bit bitchy and a little bit kind of underhanded and a little bit kind of, “Bite me.” I was like, “Thanks Sam.” In a little sassy sarcastic tone. And this person turned around and went, “Oh, what is it with you? You always just need people to thank you.” Well, yes I do. I actually do, because my love language is words of affirmation. So, I don’t need… Despite you hearing me and seeing me talk about diamonds and jewelry and lots of all those kinds of things, I don’t want to present, I want to thank you, I want acknowledgement for what I do. That is my love language, without a shadow of a doubt. And I kind of didn’t know what it was called, but I knew that’s what it was many, many moons ago.
So I just want run through them. I don’t want to get any of them wrong. So I’ve got a little note for myself here. I want to run through what The Five Love Languages are and tell you a little bit about all of them. And then you might automatically know what you are or you might go, “Sam, how do I find out more about that?” In which case I will tell you… Go away, Charlie. To go over to Gary Chapman’s website, or you can just Google, “Five Love Languages.” And it’s fivelovelanguages.com. You can take a quiz, you can buy one of the books, et cetera.
It is a brilliant tool. It really, really is. Especially when you know someone else you’re dealing with what their love languages are. Like. There are people in my love life… My life! That was a bit of a Freudian slip, wasn’t it? There are people in my life who have different love languages to me, and I’m looking a little bit like Sideshow Bob with my hair, think I need a haircut. Hairdressers are still open so I could actually do that.
Okay, so words of affirmation, things like, “You look incredible! You rock. Love your hair today.” Those kinds of things, you need an affirmation of who you are and what you do. And there should never be like over pouring because that just sounds crap. “Oh my God, Samantha, the way you’d light up my life with your…” We don’t need that stuff. We want genuine compliments, not over complicated ones, genuine compliments and acknowledgement.
Another one is acts of service. Yes. So this is when you do things for people, or you like it when people do things for you. There’s a saying, “Actions speak louder than words.” And for people whose love language is acts of service, this is totally true. Totally true. You do the ironing, you do the laundry, you finish the report at work before it had to get done, before they ask you to do it, you actually just do it. It’s an act of service. You’re getting it done. And it’s not, “Oh my god, I’ve got to do that stuff for Bert somebody. I can’t believe you’re making me do it!” Don’t make it all narky. Genuinely an act of service for someone is reciprocated, if that’s their love language, oh my gosh. They love it. They love it. They love it.
The whole point with love languages is when speak in that way, whether verbally or physically, that with speaking to them and something they understand. So it’s a beautiful rapport building tool, a beautiful skill to stay in great rapport with people, whether it’s in the workplace or the home place or your partner, your children, that kind of thing. Really, really important.
The third one is receiving gifts. So yeah, there are people, and there’s nothing wrong with it. Absolutely nothing wrong with it. But if you pick up some flowers for them or pick up a book and think, “Oh, I just saw this. Thought you’d like it.” For no other reason, for no other reason, just the receiving gifts thing. They’re like, “Oh my gosh! That’s beautiful! You love me! Thank you so much!” Beautiful, beautiful thing to do. Receiving gifts. That doesn’t do it for me, just tell me I did a good job and I’m a happy chap.
Quality time. This is a biggie, especially for a lot of children. Well, actually no, that’s not true. Some children like the gifts thing. Quality time is without having to do it, without, again, that sense of obligation, without, “Oh my god, I can’t believe she wants another date night.” If you know your partner’s love language is quality time or your love language is quality time, you’ve got to make time to make that happen. And that could be a picnic or it could be… Not at the moment. Could be a walk two meters apart.
“My love language with you is quality time, but could you please just stay over there?” Sorry. That sounds ridiculous at the moment, doesn’t it? But it’s true! It’s true. Just love language from afar. Quality time from afar. But if that’s your parent, picking up the phone and spending 10, 15 minutes chatting with them, even if it’s a really crazy, “I can’t get the mouse to work.” Conversation, that will mean co much more to them than just turning up on a birthday. Spend that little bit of quality time with them.
And I believe that quality of time can be done like this on a camera, it can be done on a phone call. I think even taking the time to write someone a letter or a beautiful email or a note, I think that kind of translates into quality time. I could be wrong on that, but that’s my understanding. That’s my understanding of it. We can’t all take time out to do things. But in a relationship, date night’s really important, or cuddle on the couch, that kind of thing. Extra Sunday lie in with a special cuddle, you know what am I?
Which brings me to the last love language, which is physical touch. So, you know how there’s those people that they just want to hug, they want to hold a hand, they want to keep eye contact going, they want to walk next to you. If you’re in a meeting, they’re sitting next to you, not sitting way down the other end of the table, in a board at a big table setting, they’re sitting next to you, or at a cafe, they’ve got their seat next to you rather than on the other side of the bench.
So, that’s that connection, that real physical connection. If it’s a romantic relationship that you’re in and your partner or your love language is physical touch, well, it’s kissing, it’s handholding, it’s cuddling, yeah, it’s bonking. It’s all that stuff, that connectedness, because that makes them feel listened to, or it can make you feel heard if that is your love language.
So, I wanted to talk about it today because I think it’s really important that, especially in these times when we’re doing so much of this stuff virtually, and we’re on camera, and we’re having phone calls with people, to not actually lose the art of those love languages. Because when you constantly see people physically, it’s easier to get reminded of what their love language is or for you to remind them of what your love language is without having to hold up a sign going, “This is I… Words of affirmation, just say thanks.” See, I’d have to walk around with a sign that said that, “Just say thanks.”
And it’s not that easy to do that in these scenarios, but I think of we’re aware of what ours is, and get a little bit of an understanding of what the others is, it’s easy to pick up even the most subtle of hints from the other person about what theirs is, and then you can do stuff in this virtual world that still lends itself to talking in their language.
So let’s go through some examples. So words of affirmation, a thank you email, or I tell you what, you could send me up little DM after this and go say, “Sam, loved your lippy!” Word of affirmation. A little bit of positivity, but don’t make it bull, be genuine about them. Because you can smell a bull dust person a mile away.
Acts of service. So, in this day and age, there’s lots and lots and lots of artists, for example, who are doing lives and things like that. And they’re asking for people to come in, maybe make a donation, do a tip, if they’re doing a performance, or there’s a restaurant you might know that started to do takeaway, or a local florist that’s now doing home delivery. Anything like that. If you see what someone else is doing, an act of service could be share it. That’s a beautiful act of service in this day and age. In this modern world, share something, comment, like it, that’s a virtual act of service, I think. Because you can’t go around and help them with their washing.
Receiving gifts. Okay. So, recently we’ve had a new addition in the family and we can’t all go around, impossible. So what have we done? We’ve bought things online and getting them [inaudible 00:12:25]. You just send it, and there it is. That’s an easy thing to do at the moment, receiving gifts is a good one.
Quality time, as I said, pick up the phone, Zoom call, Zoom dinner party with your buddies. [Elerdy 00:12:39] does a FaceTime dinner with her dad and stepmom every couple of nights. So, that’s a great thing to be doing. That is quality time, I tell you. Go for a walk with them. So nice seeing families walking around at the moment, beautiful example of quality time.
Physical touch. As I said, this one’s not so easy in this timeframe, but I think if you’re in a relationship with somebody or have someone in your household and either of you love language is physical touch, it is easy to maintain it. But for people further out, it’s not that common that you need to really talk in someone’s physical touch language when they’re at a distance anyway. So, peripheral friends or family or things like that. But if you know it is someone’s love language, it may be a brother or sister or something, send a message with a virtual hug. I know, it seems so silly, but if that’s someone’s love language, they’re like, “Oh my God, I got a hug, yay!” Okay. So do it. It’s easy to do.
So there’s my tips for you on The Five Love Languages. I hope you learned something. If you did learn something tonight, I’d really love it if you went over to www.samanthaleith.com, did the seven day confidence challenge, jumped on the newsletter list, and then you get kept up to date every week with what’s going on in my world that I haven’t shared here. And you might get some fantastic goodies. Have a great night and I will see you all tomorrow. Bye.