Good evening, ladles and jelly spoons. Gosh, haven’t heard that for a while. What was it in? Some kids book or play or something when we were younger? Ladles and jelly spoons. One of those jokes.
First day of winter. 1st of May. In a couple of days we’re all going to make that Star Wars joke. You know that one? What did I want to talk about today? I want to go back things that comfort you. It’s funny. Sometimes we actually… I do a lot of work and I talk a lot about with all of you guys about how to do things internally. How we want to make ourselves feel things from in here, not from the external and how you can build your confidence and all that good stuff from inside you without needing external influences or buying things or words from other people to make you feel anything because the reality is you make yourself feel those things so you should want to have less of them via external.
But here I am about to do a Live about how some external things can comfort you and I thought it was a good one to do today because a, it’s a little bit bloody cold in Sydney today so automatically a lot of the time when we get that temperature drop look for things that comfort us and a lot of the times those are physical. A hood. I’ve got a hood cause I’ve been so cold today. That’s my Kylie Minogue. I just can’t get you out of my head. Not going to do that. That’s just not going to happen.
We get cold and we look for things outside of us to comfort us and make us feel warm inside and outside and all of that kind of thing. We feel sadness and we might look for a reassurance that’s comforting. We might go through an experience. We search our memory banks for something that happened in our childhood that comforted us and we reach for that to try and make ourselves feel better.
I’m here to tell you that I actually don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. It’s a good thing because one of the things is you know what’s going to make you feel something. So I want to give you a couple of my examples and some of them might resonate with you. You might go, “Oh yeah, okay. That’s a bit weird. That’s a bit odd, that Samantha girl”. But you know that anyway, don’t you.
So one of my comforts that’s an external comfort, which takes me back to my childhood just like that and I believe it’s a pretty Kiwi thing, but the first kind of really rainy or cold day all I can think about is Tinned Heinz tomato soup. Seriously, with cheesy toast. To me that is one of the most ultimate comfort foods. It’s warming and feels nourishing and it reminds me of my mom when I was a kid on the boat. Especially when we lived on the boat in the rough weather, really rainy, really cold like that. The tomato soup would come out and it would make us feel… It would like help us feel great and warm and toasty and loved and all of those kind of things.
I know, I know. Another comfort thing for me is flowers. So if I buy flowers or I get given flowers the comfort I feel is one of pure love and being looked after. Whether that’s me looking after myself or someone buying them as an appreciation or something like that. It’s a love gesture for me, which is incredibly comforting, regardless of who actually purchased the flowers. I then walk into my house, I see the flowers and it’s like, “Ooh, comfort, comfort, comfort. That’s so cool. I love it. I love it. I love it”.
Another one. Sun in my face. Yes. So it doesn’t cost a penny, but if I’m feeling in any way, shape or form a little off kilter, out of whack, I head to sunlight and I feel that direct sunlight on me. Instant comfort, instant. I don’t have to think about it. I’m not trying to work through, “Why do I feel like this? How can I improve my feelings? What’s made me look at life like this today”. None of that stuff has to go on. Just get the sun, feel comforted. Beautiful, beautiful.
Another one for me, hugs from my daughter. They can be random. They can be asked for, because you know, she’s a teenager now so I’ve got to ask a little bit more regularly. But a hug. Anything, anything can be going on in the world and a hug is instantly comforting to me because I’m a kinesthetic extrovert. So hugging is one of those like, “Ooh.” Again, just instant. No matter what’s going on a hug is instant comfort. If you noticed on my Facebook feed today I talked about how I don’t have the hug emoji yet. Not fair Facebook. Fix it please. Fix it.
Another really comforting thing for me is Christmas morning. Now this might be a strange one because Christmas for so many people can be quite chaotic. There’s family drama or you’re away from your family or… For a lot of people, Christmas is not a great day. For me, I love Christmas but sometimes you can be feeling a little off kilter and something’s not quite right. And that Christmas morning routine for me, which has probably been my routine apart from, I think two Christmases in my entire life is wake up, Santa Sack… I don’t get a Santa Sack anymore, but anyway… Presents, champagne, scrambled eggs and smoked salmon. That’s it. And again, automatically, no matter what’s going on, everything is perfect in the world for me in that moment. It’s that comfort. It’s just incredible.
The last one I wanted to touch on for me and what comforts me is a conversation with a really good friend with a… not a caveat, but with a kind of guideline on it, because you can have conversations with friends where you both kind of chit chat. The conversation goes bing bing bing bing bing bing bing… Those kinds of conversations. Then there’s those conversations where you feel like you can’t get a word in edgeways and your friends going blah blah blah blah blah… And then there’s conversations where you might feel like neither of you is a hundred percent present so the conversation is kind of just on the surface. Not that every conversation has to be deep and meaningful, but you know the ones I mean where it’s just like that surface conversation. It’s not a great connection within that conversation, no matter how good friends you actually are.
I’m talking about the conversations where you reach out to a friend or they’ve reached out to you and something’s going on in your life and they listen to you with just such an open, generous heart that whatever you say their responses, or even their lack of response, just the way they’re listening to you and holding that space for you is instantly comforting. Instantly. Those are the conversations I’m talking about.
So there are a few of the things that comfort me. Now I want you to think about it because I know and have… There’s more on my list. Obviously it’s not just those six, but I know in an instant if something’s a bit amiss in my life. If I’m not in the kind of the mood where I want to do that deep thinking or tap on it or write about it or anything like that, I just want a bit of comfort, I know the things I can reach for that are going to give me that in that moment.
So notice I didn’t put chocolate and alcohol on there, although I like chocolate and alcohol. And I didn’t put sex on. There’s a few things because they are some of those ones that are those double edged pleasure and pain ones so I don’t think they should go on your comfort list, okay. Because for me they are double-edged pleasure and pain for some of you, they might not be double-edged, one’s a pleasure and pain and if you want go back to the live about pleasure and pain, where I really go into that. So be wary of ones like that but if they’re good for you, go for it.
I know those things I can reach for or pick up the phone for and what it can do to give me that instant comfort that I was searching for in that moment that I’m unable to actually provide for myself. So have a think about it over this weekend. Ask yourself, “What makes me feel like I’m being wrapped in a warm, cozy blanket and being looked after instantly. What is it? How do I… What makes me…” You know what I mean? That being wrapped in a big warm hug is what I’m talking about. What brings you comfort? What brings you the most comfort? Let me know and I will see you all tomorrow night.