[365 Days of Extraordinary] Day 328 Transcript: How To Be Confident Walking Into A Room

by | Nov 10, 2020 | 365 Days of Facebook Lives

We’ve all heard the song. “The minute you walked in the joint…” I could see you were a woman of intention, a real big spender. Wouldn’t it be cool? What has that song got to do with anything really on a Monday night? That song has everything to do with it, because how you walk into a room, hang on, is how you do everything. Well, not how you do everything, but it’s important. Okay.

So I wanted to give you my top 10 tips on how to walk into a room with confidence, because it’s a little bit but different to how to get on camera with confidence or how to write a book with confidence or how to pick up the phone with confidence. Walking into a room, whether it’s going into a party, a dinner party, a friend’s house, a networking event, a conference, a business appointment, anything like that, when you’re walking into that and a new space, it’s a different set of stuff that’s got to go on in here and in here and in your confidence muscles to make all that work really well. So I’m going to give you my tips.

Okay. So the first tip is to do a bit of a door-check. So before you actually walk in, my father used to have the saying, “Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch before he left anywhere.” And I do that door-check before I’m going in some way, although I’m not checking for spectacles and testicles, obviously. I check that I’m in the right head space, and how I do that, I want to check that I’m walking tall and strong. Amy Cuddy, you might’ve heard of the Power Pose, and I know I’ve talked about it before. Some people like doing a bit of a wonder woman thing, some are like “whoo”. Tony Robbins talks about a lot of that positioning stuff.

So I think you need to do that. So for me, it’s a boobs-out hips-under thing and shoulders back. You’ll have your own way of doing that. And I always walk in with more confidence if I’m in high heels. It gives me a different center of gravity. I’m wearing flats at the moment, so I’m obviously not as confident. Actually, I’ll tell you the truth. I’ve got socks on. the Power Pose.

The other thing I do in that body check is actually my mental body check, which is my power statement. So I, I want to walk into that room with an intention. So I am, I might be thinking “I am confident”, or I might be thinking, “I’m going to sell something.” Or I might be thinking, “I’m funny”, or I might be thinking, “I’m sexy”, or, “I’m happy”, or, “I’m motivated”, or “tenacious”. There’s just a word of feeling that I want to get into me before I walk through that door. So that’s the first thing I do. Okay?

The second thing I do as soon as I walk in is make eye contact with someone, because the minute you walk in and you make eye contact with someone, it drops your barrier and you feel that that wall has gone. You’re welcomed as you walk in if you make eye contact with someone. And that also has to go through the entire time you’re at whatever this event is. You can’t lose eye contact with people. You’ve got to always maintain eye contact with someone okay? It’s really important, that one.

Pinterest -- Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself - Samantha Leith Number three, the confidence trio. Okay? So that is what you’re wearing. I know it shouldn’t be about what you’re wearing, but how you dress can so impact how confident you’re feeling. It shouldn’t, but it does. We can’t take that back. So how you’re dressed, your posture, what you’re thinking, any of those little things that make you feel more confident. It might be that you’ve thought about your particular mission for when you go in there. It might be you’ve thought about three people you’re going to meet when you go in there. It might be about just how you’re feeling about yourself. What color lipstick you’ve got on, whether you’ve put perfume or aftershave on or any of those kinds of things. Whatever it is that makes up your little package in making you feel more confident, you’ve got to make sure you nail all of those before you walk in the room. Okay? That’s really important.

Number four is pay attention. So even though you’re maintaining eye contact with someone at all points, even if you’re trying to make eye contact with a speaker, they might not be able to see you, but while you’re trying to make eye contact, you’re opening that world up. So that’s important. Okay? So paying attention to all the signals going on around you. So people leaving the room, people breaking up their groups, and people sitting down, and people cold because of the air-con or people shuffling around. You’ve got to pay attention to that stuff, otherwise you get left in a limbo land. Okay? So if you want to still have that confidence and the ability to command attention while you’re in that room, it’s really important that while you’re focused on one person, you’ve got your periphery paying attention to what’s going on. Okay. It can be tricky sometimes, especially in big groups, but it’s really important to be able to nail, okay?

Number five, you want to focus on others? Yes. Even if you’ve walked into that room thinking, “I am a sales goddess and I am going to sell $10,000 pairs of shoes…” I actually don’t even know if you can buy a $10,000 pair of shoes, but I’m just going to go with that, because it’s a bit random. Even if that’s your intention and that’s your purpose for walking in there, you have to be paying attention to what that means to other people in order to command attention.

Now, let me rewind that and make it a bit easier for you. So even if you want to sell this while you’re in that room, you’re not focused on selling this. You’re focused on how having this is going to change the life of the person you’re talking to. Okay? So it’s got to focus on them with that, not you with that. Make sense? Really important. Otherwise you lose attention. If you’re not focused on the other people that you’re talking to and it’s all about me, any attention that you commanded as you walked in, with that presence and that confidence that you have, is lost if you just start waffling about yourself, okay? So don’t do it.

Number six, don’t fidget. Oh my God. There is nothing worse than someone pretending to be confident because they’re fidgeting. So a truly confident person has managed to… You might want to fidget. It might be like little creepy-crawly spiders going under your skin going, “Ooh, fidget, fidget, fidget, fidget, fidget.” But when you’re in that confidence space, you control that. You don’t actually fidget. So if you’re trying to command attention from people and be confident and charismatic with all those people you’re talking to, even if it’s one person or two people in a little cozy conversation, if you start going… Moving your eyes around, biting your nails, flicking your hair, any of that stuff, any of that charisma and attention you built up, gone. Do not fidget. Okay?

Number seven. Now I’m going to use the word lean in, and there’s so many different ideas of what lean in means in the world at the moment. I actually mean a physical kind of lean in. So I mean, if you’re listening to a big speaker, for example, the body language of paying attention to what they’re doing, looking at them, listening to them. Lean in a little bit. If you’re talking to someone in a small group, get closer. Lean in, because the more you show you’re not stuck in your space, the more opening and welcoming you are, which is a beautiful trait in confidence and charisma. It’s a beautiful trait.

So you want to lean in a little bit, like I’m doing with this video, and let people come into your space, and maybe come into theirs if they’re comfortable with it. Okay? Be wary, though, of physical boundaries. And you will pick up, because you’ve been paying attention to people’s signals and body language, about them being comfortable with you getting into their space. So if someone’s not comfortable, most people can read those signals and you will be appropriate, but leaning in is a good one. Okay?

And the next one… Oh my Gosh, my handwriting is so hard to write. I should have typed this up. I touched on it earlier, but it’s about being intentional. So when you’re having conversations with people, stick to your zone of genius or your passion or your mission or your purpose for being there, or the power statement that you felt when you were. The less intentional you are with any conversation, the less charismatic and the less confident you will appear.

So if it is a speakers’ conference, for example, be really intentional about keeping conversations about anything within that speaking realm. Okay? Probably not the right space to start waffling about how your great-grandmother started knitting jodhpurs. I don’t even know if you can knit jodhpurs, but you know what I mean. Don’t go off on random crap. Be really intentional about the words that come out of your mouth, because that will instill confidence in the other people about you. Okay? Remember one of the things about charisma is how you make other people feel, and you want them to feel confident in you. So use your words with intention and they will keep up, stay confident in you. Okay.

Number nine. Oh, I really can’t read that. I’ve got to show you this. Yeah. Can you read number nine? I can’t. That’s terrible. That’s so funny. I was thinking about it this morning and I did some notes on my phone about what I wanted to talk about tonight. And then I wrote it down. I was like, “I’m going to do them in these tips.” Okay? And then I can’t read number nine. Hmm. Oh yeah. Sorry. It’s come back to me. I know what it is now. That’s so funny.

It was about going back to a previous live I did. So number nine is all about having some conversation starters in your weapons artillery, in your back pocket, or your handbag or your bum-bag, any of those things. And I did a whole live on that. But have a few, just a handful of trusty conversation starters that anybody in any space you can start up a conversation with, with one of these conversations starters. So go back to my live on that. If you go to the samanthaleith.com blog and search conversation starters, you should be able to find it there, or in Facebook. I think I did 20 of them or something. But yeah, have a few ready to go. Because having a conversation with someone and staying in that charismatic, confident zone, there can’t be big lags in the conversation. It can’t be those moments of, “Shit, I’m trying to think of something to say. This is a little embarrassing. I don’t know what to talk about.” You don’t want that stuff. You want to be able to come up with something. Okay? So have something in your pocket ready to go.

And my tenth tip, now this might seem a little lame, this one, but I tell you it’s really, really important. If you want to walk into a space, whatever that space is, command attention, feel confident, act with so much charisma that people pay attention to you, be on time. Oh my God, there is nothing that is going to… Actually, probably turning up a really inappropriately dressed for something is another one. But a lot of the time you can get away with that, making a joke about it. But if you turn up to somewhere not on time, you immediately come down a rung on the charisma ladder. Immediately. And you will feel bad, so your confidence muscle will be a little bit flipsy that night because you’re like, “Turned up late, gosh.” So your body language, everything will get impacted if you don’t turn up on time. So although I make that number 10, it probably should be up there with number one or two. Okay?

So they are my 10 tips for walking into any room with comfort and commanding attention as you do it. Okay? And I will type them out again so we don’t have this laughter with me not being able to read my handwriting. Oh dear. Have a great night everybody. And I will see you all tomorrow. And for those of you that have got kids going back to school, et cetera, this week, awesome. Elodie goes back to school on Thursday one day a week, which is great. So until I see you tomorrow, stay well. Okay? And if you’ve got someone in your house you can have a hug with, have a hug. I’m missing hugs. Bye.

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