Hey gang, happy Thursday. It’s like, ah, nearly the end of the week and we are so close to getting to the end of these 365 days, which is just mind blowing. Anyway, if you haven’t noticed, over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been very strategic in, I talk about confidence one day, charisma one day, connection, clarity, communication. I’m kind of doing it in a roundabout way and tonight’s all about charisma.
So tonight I want to talk about the charisma quickie. Yeah, quick charisma. How do you get quick charisma? Because for some of us, we think charisma is like it’s ordained at birth. Like as you go along the conveyor belt of birth, someone goes, “You have charisma, you have charisma, you have charisma.” And for many people that’s true. And for many people, charisma is this art, it’s this skill, it’s this talent. It’s something they’ve had to learn throughout life in order to kind of do it.
And some people think it’s an easy thing and it’s actually not, but we can have quick charisma. So I’ve kind of put like a little acronym, because we all love a good acronym, for quick charisma, so that’s what I want to do tonight. So the Q is for question. I think one of the most [inaudible 00:01:24] you can do is ask people questions. Be interested, talk to them. And it doesn’t matter if you’re in a tiny group, if you’re one-on-one, if you’re in a big auditorium and you’re talking to a thousand people, if you’re in a really stiff strategic meeting, ask questions. The more you’re interested in someone’s life, the more charismatic you are, because it’s that connection piece. Ask questions. Friends, family, business associates, strangers on the street, ask questions. So, so, so important.
Number two, the U in the quick is the human connection. I know it doesn’t start with U, but H-U, it’s close enough okay. So in that bit I mean it’s like a touch. It’s the connection piece. It’s the eye contact. It’s the leaning into the conversation. It’s the wink, it’s the shoulder rub. It’s all the physical rapport building skills that create that connection. That human touch is… Question, human touch. You got those two and you kind of actually don’t need anything else, but I will go through the other ones. So how can you, and don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about touching in a, I got a hug you, or I’m going to hold your hand or will you be my friend?
We’re not talking about that kind of touch. There’s just a subtlety, there’s a gentleness that really charismatic people have. They can touch in a way that you kind of don’t know you’ve actually even had the human touch, but it’s there because when they spoke to you, the shoulder was connected or they looked at you in a certain way or they might’ve shook your hand in a certain way. There’s always that connection. So that’s absolutely the number two piece, is that human touch.
The number three piece is the I in that equation and the I in that equation is self-improvement, not importance. And there’s a fine line on that one. So when you’re improving yourself, you’re working on that skill set of you from the tip of your toes, to the top of your hair, you’re building on the building blocks of your life. You’ve got your confidence, you’ve got good communication skills. You’ve got how you deal with people. How you get the knock on the shoulder, how you say hello, how you stand. There’s so many components to self-improvement, but a truly charismatic person is all about the improvement, not the importance.
And there’s such a fine line. When you get to that point where it’s like, “Hi, I’m Sam and I’m fantastic.” You’ve gotten to the self-importance thing and that’s not charismatic. It just makes you a douche bag. So don’t do it. It’s about self-improvement not self-importance, which brings me to the fourth bit, which is confidence. And I talk about this till I’m blue in the face. Not that I know if you’ve ever seen me look blue in the face, but confidence is that thing we build on every single day. It’s the tiny things we do. It’s the promises we keep to ourself. It’s the conversations we have with strangers.
Confidence is, and self-confidence, not the, “Oh, you look fantastic. Oh my God, you did such a good job.” That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about that really guttural confidence that stands you for life, like it’s there, it’s part of you. And that’s one of the things that you have to build on in order to be charismatic and to have quick charisma is to be able to delve into that confidence that you’ve instilled to be able to go, “Oh yeah, I got this. I know those questions. I’m willing to hear the answers. I can have that conversation. I can meet those people,” because you built that confidence. So it’s such an intrinsic part of being able to walk into anywhere and be charismatic like that. And again, I’m going to know, I can click with that hand, not with that hand.
How many people can click with that hand? I’m right handed, and I can’t click with my right hand. I feel like a doofus, but okay, we’ll go with the left. And the last part of that quick charisma equation is the K and the K is kindness. The most charismatic thing you can do or be is kind. Just be kind. And that means to not pay attention to people’s failings. That means to not gossip. That means to not be pitching every person you talk to, just be kind, just listen. Be part of that conversation. Be heartfelt with anyone you meet. And actually, I would say gossip is one of the biggest charisma killers ever. The minute you start gossiping with people, your charisma goes from like a… You can have walked into the room and people go, “Oh my God, she’s got everything.”
The minute you gossip, you go bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, down the pole. Don’t do it, people. Really, really, really don’t do it. So don’t be pitching to people, unless it’s appropriate, it’s a sales thing. Don’t be gossiping. Don’t be looking at people’s failings. Don’t be talking about your failings if it’s not appropriate. If it’s appropriate in the conversation that you’re having, absolutely bring up those failings, but don’t do the, “Okay, I’m going to show you how human I am by telling you how terrible I am.” It doesn’t work. Don’t do that, it makes you a douche.
So they’re my hints for quick charisma. What are they? Can you say them back to me? Probably not, because they’re not typed up here. So question, listen, question, listen, question, listen, question, listen. The minute you start paying attention to people and you ask them questions, it’s a caring, it’s a charisma in itself. And it doesn’t matter what your natural charismatic state is. Whether you have that leadership charisma, or you’ve got that soft… It doesn’t matter. But the questioning? Instant, instant charisma.
The human touch, the leaning in. The subtle touch, the eye contact, all of those rapport building things, really, really big part of quick charisma. Then we’ve got the self-improvement not the self-importance. If you’re concentrating on the self-importance people, yeah charisma is going to die in the butt. Do not do it. Then you want to work on that natural confidence, that stuff that fills you from the top of your toes, to the top of your hair. That’s the stuff you want to have. That confidence that takes you everywhere. When you have that, you can be charismatic anywhere.
And then that last piece of quick charisma is that kindness piece, okay? So that is the no judgment, the no gossiping, the no preconceived ideas about people. You’re not walking into conversations thinking you know it all, you want to hear what they say. That kindness piece is so important. So they are my tips for quick charisma. And it’s an easy acronym, Q-U-I-C-K. We can all spell that.
So I hope it helps. I really do. And if this has helped you and you think it can help anyone else, share the video, share the live, there’s been 340 odd of them. Share all of them. They’re all on YouTube, they’re on my blog. And if you want to come to the final night, which is going to be so exciting, please head to samanthaleith.com/365, the number, days, and get on the list for that final party. I would love to see you there in all your charismatic glory. So I will see you tomorrow night. Happy Thursday. Bye.