[365 Days of Extraordinary] Day 49 Transcript: Stop Comparing Yourself!

by | Nov 21, 2019 | 365 Days of Facebook Lives

Good evening. Now I’m going to try and get used to this, having my phone on the side thing because it, I don’t know, it looks better on the website. I’ve got to look over here. No, there. Where is the camera? There. I’m funny. Okay.

I want to talk about how to stop comparison, comparing yourself to other people because it’s a no-win situation, people. It’s just a shocker. Don’t do it. I say that as someone who has done a shite load through their life and it didn’t get me anywhere. It made me feel crappy. There’s actually “anonymous,” don’t compare your life to others. There’s no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine when it’s their time. Freaking love that, because the other thing on that is if you think of the moon and the sun, not only do they shine when it’s their time, but at any particular … Wherever you are in the world, they are different. How someone in Philadelphia is looking at the sun on the same day in Penrith, they’ve been looking at the sun. That sun is going to be completely different, so you can’t compare.

Why do we do with these days? Well, we pick up our phones and we’re on social media and we’re like, oh my God, what she’s wearing. Oh my God, her ass is better than mine. Yeah, but her ass has been Photoshopped. Oh, they’re just so successful, but you don’t realize that they’ve been getting up at 4 AM every day for the last 10 years to get that success. You just see the success and think you’re shit. You’re not shit. Just you’re not.

Pinterest - Comparison with myself brings improvement, comparison with others brings discontent. - Samantha LeithWhat that comparison does is it also gets us in this really competitive state. I’m not a competitive person, but when I have gone through a phase of being a little bit more watching what else is going on for people, I did get a competitive urge and I don’t like it. I actually don’t like it. Unless you’re an Olympic athlete or you’re on stage. I don’t think they have this scenario anymore but at a competition of some kind. Life is not a competition. It’s just not. Life is, we’ve all heard the saying, it’s your journey, etc. You can’t compare yourself to others and use it as a competition. It’s just not real. It’s totally, totally not real.

The other thing on why it’s unhealthy is it stops us focusing on our stuff because we’re too busy looking over there. We’re like, oh, shiny object, look what they’re doing. I want to do what they’re doing. That’s not what you’re doing or where you’re at. It’s taking the eye off the ball.

I just want to give you a quick Sunday night one, 10 tips because I can count, 10 tips about how to stop comparing yourself to others and what to do instead of comparing yourself. Tip number one, stick to your own lane. It’s like you’re swimming, swimming away, swimming away. You’ve got your goggles on, and you look up, and occasionally you look to the side and you see that stripe down the swimming pool or there’s a rope and you’re like, oh, moving over to the lane a little bit. I can’t do that. Get back in your own lane. If you feel yourself getting distracted by what other people are doing or what stage they’re at in life, get back to your lane. Just think, freestyle, freestyle, freestyle. Keep going, keep going, keep going.

Tip number two. Oops, that was rude. Sorry. Tip number two, don’t spend that much time on social media. Ironic given you’re watching me on social media, but you could all just join my email list and you wouldn’t have to watch it here. You’d get the email. There you go. That was a plug. Don’t spend so much time on social media because social media is glossy. I handle my heart, post real stuff. Occasionally if I’ve had a photo or something done in a professional manner, I’d tell you it’s done in a professional manner. Otherwise, I’m me. Fabby hair, little bit of rosacea at the moment. That’s me. I don’t care if you are going to judge me for that or not. That is me. Gym gear because I was walking the dog. That social media, again, it stops us focusing where we should be focusing because we’re too worried about what everyone else is doing.

Number three, love and appreciate the good, the bad and the ugly of your life because as terrible as some of that stuff in your life might have been or as wonderful as some of that stuff in your life may have been, it actually doesn’t matter. Whatever it is that’s happened has got you to where you are now. As far as I’m concerned, if you’re on this planet, you’re breathing, you’re standing upright and you’ve got an opportunity to go somewhere, change something, do what you want in life. Life is flipping fantastic. You’ve got to love and appreciate all of it. Otherwise, we need to talk about other stuff.

Stop shooting all over yourself, tip number four. I should be thinner. I should be richer. I should go to that restaurant. I should book that holiday. I should get up earlier. I should not have sugar in my coffee. I’m not having sugar in my coffee, by the way. I stopped that. Stop shooting all over yourself because guess what shooting all over yourself does? It makes you feel bad and worthless and I’m not good enough and I’m such a disappointment. I’m a failure. Oh my God, I’m such a failure because I should have done my grocery shopping on Friday and I didn’t do it until today. Therefore, I’m a tragedy. Just stop it.

Another tip is if you do fall into a comparison trap, which we all do sometimes, let it fuel you, not upset you. What I mean by that is if you’re comparing something, let it go, oh, if they can do that, I can do that. If you’re comparing yourself to something, because comparison is like a timeline. It’s like, what’s the movie? Back to the Future. Comparison is like being in that funky car in Back to the Future. You’re either looking at … You’re comparing what’s current in your life to your past life. Hey, Brenda … or you’re comparing what’s current in your life to what’s current in someone else’s life, or you’re comparing what’s going on in your relationship to a past relationship, or what the relationship was like when you first started the relationship.

The other thing you can compare yourself is your forward comparison, so you can mentally go, oh, I’ve got these goals and aspirations and dreams and blah, blah, blah, and you actually compare your life now to that end point you want to get to. That’s just as unhealthy. That time loop is completely unrealistic. I got off track there. Completely unrealistic. If you do happen to get into that loop and you’re comparing yourself either to someone else’s past and it’s your past or a future and you’re like, I am hopeless, use it to fuel you instead.

You know what? I’ll go to my weight as an example. I used to be a lot bigger. You may have seen the photos. I lost 50 kilos. Awesome. Go, Sam. I think I’m officially 13 kilos heavier than I was at that lightest. Now I could be comparing myself and feeling terrible about the fact that I’ve put on that bit of weight. I could be comparing myself to my larger size and feeling fantastic about myself because I’ve lost so much weight, but neither of them are actually helpful. I have to just go, okay, this is where I am. Am I happy with where I am at the moment? If not, I have to change it. FYI, I am working on changing it for health reasons and nothing else because I actually quite like how I look. Anyway, so that’s fueling me. That little comparison that I did. I was like, I was here, I was there. That’s internally about me and it’s fired me up but in a good way.

If you’re looking at someone in business as somewhere where you want to get to, that can be really good fuel to your fire to try and get there, but not to go, oh, I’m so hopeless because I’m still back here. That’s inefficient. Use it as a pull. It’s like a magnet that’s going to get you there as opposed to, I’m hopeless, I’m here. I’m doing lots of hand gestures today. Weird. Sorry about that. I’m not apologizing. I’m not sorry. Sorry, not sorry doing hand gestures and getting my eyes all … I need to look. Anyway, blah, blah, blah.

Be your own cheerleader. Celebrate the small wins. As I’ve said about appreciating the good, the bad and the ugly that’s happening in your life so far. Be your own cheerleader for having (a) got through everything because we’ve all had shit. There’s not a person in the planet who does not have a, oh, this … Insert terrible thing that happened when I was a child. There’s not a person, okay? If you’re watching this live on your phone or on your computer, you’ve had a pretty good life because there are people in the world that don’t have water. Don’t give me the crap. Celebrate where you are, who you are. I’m a bit narky tonight … and be your own cheerleader. You can do it. If you need to learn more, learn more, but cheer yourself on instead of going, hmm, look what they did, look at they did. Negative and antsy doesn’t work.

Tip number seven, be aware of the things that trigger you and avoid them like hell. Be aware of what triggers you and really, really, really avoid it. There’s a couple of things that trigger me. I avoid them. I just don’t go near them. A couple of events I get asked to go to, I don’t go because I know I’m going to get into that loop. That’s not a bad thing. You’re protecting yourself. Your heart, your head, your soul, they’re the only ones you’ve got so protect them, really, really look after them. If you know going to a mom’s night out, which happens to be … No, that’s bad. I should have come up with something to say here really because I don’t want to give a real example for me.

If you’re feeling terrible about the fact that you’re on a really strict diet and not eating sugar, for example, but you’re hating it. You’re doing it. It’s like it’s a place of blah. The last thing you want to do is go somewhere where everybody is going to be enjoying something sweet. Avoid the hell out of that because you’re going to feel bad. You’re going to be going, oh, but they get to do it and I don’t get to do it. They’re all happy eating sugar. Just don’t go. Just don’t go. Simple as that. Solves the problem.

Number eight, be grateful for where you are presently. Not happy about all the past stuff, but be grateful for where you are now and what you’re doing in your current moment because this is your journey. If you don’t enjoy this particular bit, the next step is not going to be as happy. The step after that is going to be even less happy. Enjoy what’s going on right now this very second.

Number nine, stop, collaborate and listen. Where there are things in your life where you do feel there’s a bit of comparison happening, maybe it’s time to actually talk to somebody about that. If you’ve got a good friend who could maybe be a buffer or a coach you can talk to about it. If there’s in any way, shape or form you can collaborate on something with somebody in business, personally, etc., got someone to go for an extra walk with you, but doing something with someone else about something that triggers you where you compare yourself on or with is a really good way of going, hmm, I’ve got this. I’m okay. I don’t need to compare myself. Yeah, I’m all right.

Number 10, my last tip, I’ve got … You want to see my passport. The last tip is focus on even the smallest thing you can succeed at. I talked about this a bit yesterday about just getting shit done. I cannot stress enough on so many of these things; negativity, comparison, faith, confidence, courage. just about anything within that either makes you feel good or bad can be improved on by you finishing things or succeeding in something that you’re good at that feels natural or easy. Make a list. Again, I try and give you challenges most day. Make a little list of a few things. Maybe five things that you can succeed at and just have them in a little … Stick them up on a notice board if you like. If you’re having one of those moments where you’re like, oh my, God, Marie Forleo just does the best videos. I’m never going to be as good as her. Look at your list. I don’t feel that, by the way. Look at your list and go, oh, hang on. I’ll do that and I’ll feel better about myself.

It’s simple, but it again fuels your fire, fuels your soul, and it builds on these building blocks of confidence, which I always talk about. They’re my 10 tips for what to do about comparison-itis or compar-ititus or comparing yourself to others, whatever you want to call it.

Good luck with your week. It’s Sunday night. I hope you’re all doing your little plans for the week, scheduling out what you got to do. Do you brain dump with your to-do list and have a really positive week. I will be here every day as I have been. I think apart from the night I was sick, I think today is actually the 50th show. See, I’m so excited. I can’t believe it. I’m so happy I’ve stuck to it. Thank you to all of you who pop on and watch, and I know lots of people pop on later and watch. I do know you do, and I’m totally so grateful for it. I’m really enjoying doing it. I’ve got all this stuff up here though I just want to share, which is fun, really, really fun. Have a great night, have a great week, and I’ll see you tomorrow.

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