[365 Days of Extraordinary] Day 85 Transcript: Don’t Be A Dick

Samantha Leith - Don’t Be A Dick

What’s with the dancing Sam?

Okay, so tonight, I want to tell you, ‘Don’t be a dick.’ All right. Now what do I mean? So, I’ll preface it by saying, and I’ve said it before and you’ve probably heard other people say it, we’re responsible for our feelings. So, you can say things like, ‘That person hurt my feelings.’ They actually didn’t hurt your feelings. They’ve said something, you’ve let it hurt your feelings. So, I think, I think we kind of understand that. I think most people, if they’ve done any self development work, personal development work or will or feeling emotionally intelligent, will understand that. So, it’s how… It’s the meaning that we give to the words people say that make us think, feel terrible. It’s not the actual words. It’s not like the words are a knife and going [inaudible 00:00:57].

We’ve turned those words into a knife on ourselves to hurt. On a positive, we can also turn happy words or good words or things that people say to us into being… Random things I have in my kitchen… Into being love hearts that we receive for ourselves. So, it does work both ways.

But what I want to say is, I had a situation a couple of weeks ago, where someone said some stuff to me that really hurt. They said the words. I don’t know if their intention was to hurt me, but those words, I took those words and I turned them into a knife on myself and pretty much incapacitated me for a day. And then I got my shit back together, realized that I had made them mean that and, for them there was truth in what they… Obviously there was some truth in what they said for them.

But, in hindsight, now going back and looking at it, and I’ve spoken to my coach and mentor about it, is that words, words are so powerful. Words can hurt, words can harm, words can… Because of the power we give them. So, words are like, they’re like a, they’re like a gift. You know? You can either give someone a beautiful gift or you can give someone a stinky gift. So when you’re saying something to someone, even if this situation is where you don’t like that person or you don’t like something they’re doing or you don’t resonate with them, any of those things. You don’t have to be a dick and nasty. So, that’s what all this is about. Is you can, you can say… You can be genuine, I’m never going to encourage anybody to lie, but you can be genuine and tell someone something in a negative way without being a prick.

Pinterest - Let's not be narrow, nasty, and negative - Samantha LeithOkay? You don’t need to be nasty. Taking it to that level is actually unnecessary everywhere. And, if we look at the world scape at the moment. Thank you. Yes, I agree. You can. You can be true to yourself and say something without being narky. Like it’s, it’s really not necessary. And we look on the world stage at the moment with leaders who shall not remain, shall remain anonymous, ha ha ha ha. And the words that come out of their mouth sometimes are venomous. And venomous words don’t achieve anything else. They don’t get your point across any better. In fact, they can actually just be, they are very polarizing. Very venomous words are very polarizing and can make people love you or hate you, I guess.

And, for some people, that might be the point. But, in general conversations and people that you know and people that are in your circle of friends or people that are in your family, you can say what you want without being nasty. Like, you really can. So, instead of saying… I’m going to try, I should’ve come up with an example before the solution, shouldn’t I?

Instead of saying, ‘You always cook Italian. I hate Italian.’ Or you don’t, you know, ‘You cook terrible Italian.’ Or something like that. You could say, ‘Italian is not my favorite food. I’d rather we have something else.’ So, you’re still saying you don’t want to eat it, but you’re not being a bitch. It’s… If you don’t like your situation, you can say, ‘I’m not very happy in this situation.’ You don’t need to say ‘You’ve organized a terrible party.’ Because those, if you’re not, if you’re… Generally, the nasty words are the ones where you won’t actually own what you’re saying. So, if you, if you’re putting venom in your languaging, it’s because you’re trying to push it out there. So, it’s their fault because of the situation or it’s their bad design or it’s their… It’s over there, over there, over there, over there. Which is… But the reality is, you’re trying to say something you feel, so make it more about you.

And it will often take away the venom in that language, because chances are you don’t want to be venomous about yourself. But the situation, as it is, is probably making you feel bad, so then you lash out and you say something narky. Don’t. Think about it. What are you, what are you trying to say? And how can you say it in a way that’s respectful? Because I’m a… Respect to such a big thing for me and that is not going to unnecessarily give people the words that they can turn against themselves. Because that’s, I don’t think that’s a great, I don’t think any of us, unless you’re a narcissistic so-and-so, I can’t even say that today. I don’t think there’s many people in the world that actually want to say things that people can turn against themselves. I hope not. I don’t think I know anybody that’s like that.

So, I just encourage you over the next couple of days, just when you’re in a situation where you want to say something negative about something or negative to someone or something that could possibly be a little more aggressive than it needs to be, question why you want to say that? Like, is it because you’re tired? Is it because you’re angry? Is it because you’ve actually done something really fucking stupid and you’re trying to blame someone else? Is it because you’re, you’re over committed? Is it because you got your period? Is it because… And that should never be an excuse by the way. Is it, you know, any of those reasons? But ask yourself. Why do I want to say it in this way? And, I’m sure, you’ll be able to come up with a way to twist it so you’re not, you’re not nasty. So, that’s all I want to do.

I want you to encourage you to speak your truth. Always be truthful. But be mindful, that the words that you say are so powerful and people can turn them against themselves in a flash. And, if someone was to say those words to you, in that kind of way, how would you feel? You know? And chances are, if you’re being venomous towards someone else, the venom makes, you’re actually showing that a little inwardly. So don’t. It’s not a case of spread the love, people. It’s really not. So speak your truth. Be honest. Be open and communication with people. But be respectful and don’t be a dick. That’s my advice.

Bye.