Hi, welcome to this week’s episode of the Samantha Leith show with yours truly Samantha Leith. Now February is all about love Amor Libre Amore. It’s universal, it’s part of all of our lives every single day from self-love to the unrequited navigation. It can be a really rocky road so let’s take a deeper look.
The Definition of Love
Sings* what is love. Love is a many splendid thing, you give me the most gorgeous sleep that I’ve ever had, I will love you for the rest of my life, you are the best thing that’s ever been mine. Apologies to the songwriters for that little mashup.
Ahh, love songs: that’s one of the first things people think about when they think of love. They seep into our souls every day because they’re played everywhere. Chances are, right now there are multiple love songs on the top 20 charts of any country you pick. We love love, we want to be loved, we want to love. But do we really understand it in any language? I know I didn’t at all really until the last few years and even then, they’ve been some huge hiccups. Like anything it’s a learning curve. I like this definition on Wikipedia. Love encompasses a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states from the most sublime virtual good habit, the deepest interpersonal affection to the simplest pleasure. I kind of like that, I really like that.
If it’s a thin line between love and hate, why shouldn’t love always be positive? That’s what marketing people would have us believe. No love isn’t always positive because it’s tied to a set of strong feelings and when something goes whoops that can quickly turn negative leaving us confused bewildered and wondering what the *****.
How we use the word Love
Love is also a word we throw around like a hot potato. It’s interesting to note how many times a day you actually say it. Confession: I told someone I loved Emily in Paris the other night. Now it’s not actually true. When I look into it, I enjoyed the show because of what it gave me. An escape from hearing about anything about the p word. A respite from working, a distraction from feeling a little bit lonely, a trip down memory lane of the times I’ve been to France, a strong desire to make croissant, and now a need for those amazing AZ Factory star pyjamas.
The Greek Types of Love
The ancient Greeks knew a thing or a thousand about everything and well love was really important, so agape mu let’s have a look. And I ask for forgiveness first thing for any butchering of the Greek language that may, actually, take place in my pronunciations, let’s be honest.
The first is Eros or passionate erotic love named after the Greek god of love and fertility. It’s all about desire; it’s like a flame that will burn brightly and may fade out of the slightest flicker of trouble. Intimate relationships often start like this and we need to feed this Eros and the hope that it’ll turn into something much deeper.
Pragma or enduring love is the one we all hope for. It stood the test of time and has been nurtured to be deeper with a bond strengthened by commitment, compromise, and caring. When you see that couple in their 80s and they’ve been married for 60 years and they’re holding hands. Those lifelong friends that can withstand anything that’s pragma playful love or
Ludus one of my faves. You know that stage when you start flirting with someone and it becomes more. Those early moments of euphoria, the teasing, the conversations, the joy, the pleasure. It’s exciting and your heart flutters. Sadly, too many relationships lose this playfulness over time. I say bring that back baby.
Agápe is the selfless love that the Greeks see is the highest form; it’s unconditional a word that’s often stated and often actually not true. It’s not all bells and whistles and sentimentality. You would say it’s what Buddhists call meta or universal loving kindness. It’s not about us, it’s about loving without question or expectation of anything in return accepting and forgiving because of the greater good.
Friendship Philia affectionate love is filial. It’s the love between equals. Aristotle said, dispassionate virtuous love. It’s loving someone without the smokes and mirrors or physical attraction. Those friends that you know you can pick up the phone to at any time, It’s deep. Losing one of those friendships can often be harder than an intimate partner because of that vulnerability, the trust and the loyalty that was shared.
Now this one I’m going to get wrong Philautia or self-love. I believe this should be first for all of us. It’s not about ego bound by vanity, it’s knowing that to care or love others. We must first care and love ourselves to have the strength, to understand yourself embrace all of your qualities even those ones that take deep work to unfold, to see all of yourself is lovable regardless of the lumps the bumps, the mistakes, the misdeeds, again the wise Aristotle said all friendly feelings for others are an extension of man’s feeling for himself.
Familial love is known as Storge this can be family by birth and also those close friends and family like the ones from childhood. Like Philia there’s no physical attraction however it can sometimes be an obstacle when we don’t align with values etc of those members in our circle. This love is built on memories and familiarity . It’s instinctual. The instant love a parent feels when they see a child.
Lastly on their list is Mania that obsessive love that’s often referred to as toxic codependent or trauma bonded. There’s attachment that’s unbalanced a madness, a disequilibrium between Eros and ludos. Poor self-esteem can lead us down this path where we search for love with each action or inaction reinforcing our beliefs we have of ourselves in our worthiness. Oh my golly gosh, they were wise people, the Greeks.
Finding Your Definition of Love
When you’re having a bit of a tough patch with love and sometimes even when you’re going through a good patch of love. It’s really important to immerse yourself with love. So, look around you. You want to find examples of what love means to you or what you think love should look like. What you’d like it to look.
Like you know, be old-fashioned and go through your photo albums. You know, remember when we got pictures printed and flick through them and you’ll soon find like the love wells up in you when you look at photos of people from your past and things that you’ve done. It might be love of a place you went to okay. Another thing you could possibly do, and I’ve done this sometimes is look to celebrity couples and as an example of love. Now we don’t know the truth but what we see on the surface can sometimes give us a bit of ahh oh that looks amazing. And have conversations with older people. We don’t talk to them enough, they’re a font of knowledge. They’ve got this past, this history full of love and stories and how they conquered things so sit down and have a cup of tea with the lady next door and find out about love in her lifetime.
Reflecting on Love
If we put 10 people in this room right now and ask them what is love, we would get 10 very different answers. Over the years I’ve confused love more times than I probably want to admit. Some of these may be familiar to you:
● They want to have sex with me they must love me
● I can’t think about anybody else I must love them
● wow look at the gifts they gave me they must love me
● I’m sad because they didn’t come to my party I must love them
● when he said not to give that a go he was trying to protect me he must love me
● I can get you when they walk into a room I must love them
● she told me I was beautiful she must love me
● I feel so bad that I didn’t call them back I must love them
● that applause was incredible they must love me
The list goes on. Have I felt real honest love? Yes, but I’ve had love twisted in my mind for so long. Many of us with a history of trauma with a capital T unfortunately do. Through doing a lot of work I know what love is to me but it’ll be different to you. So I can’t stand here and tell you what it is. I can’t feel what you feel or think what you think. I can guide you. So, I encourage you to think about it right now. What does love mean to you? Free write in the worksheets and yet follow the links all the thoughts that come up for you about love if that first thing that comes to mind is your gorgeous puppy.
Write it down there is no right or wrong. What are five positive and five negative emotions or memories that you have associated with love? Who do you love and why? Then I want you to notice over the next 24 hours how often you think of love, how often you feel love, and how often you say love.
Thank you so much for watching this week’s episode of the Samantha Leith show. I hope you loved it. Please head on over to Samantha Leith.com/freebies to get the worksheets for this month and don’t forget to spread the love by subscribing, commenting, and sharing this video. Until next time don’t forget to love yourself because you are extraordinary, you.
🎶 The Rose Songwriters: Amanda Mc Broom
© Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp., Third Story Music, Inc.
🎙️ Produced by Samantha Leith / Michael Allen Vocals by Samantha Leith
If you enjoyed this episode please rate, review, & follow on Apple Podcasts. This helps others to find the podcast and if you’re not following you may miss out on something extraordinary.
You can even do it right now. Click here and simply scroll down to the bottom, tap ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ and then select ‘Write a Review’.
I’d love to hear what you enjoyed about the episode, so take a screenshot and share it on Instagram. Be sure to tag me on @samanthaleith to let me know!