Hi, welcome to this week’s episode of the Samantha Leith show with yours truly Samantha Leith. Now February is all about love Amor Libre Amore. It’s universal, it’s part of all of our lives every single day from self-love to the unrequited navigation. It can be a really rocky road so let’s take a deeper look.
What exactly is self-love? Is it rainbows and daisies? Spa days and the best clothes you can buy? No. As I talked about in the Confidence Stack, it’s about looking after and caring for yourself. You take the oxygen mask first remember, learning how to appreciate yourself and treating yourself with the kindness and respect you deserve, nurturing your growth and having a high regard for your own physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing and happiness. Oscar Wilde said, “To love one’s self is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” And I am a romantic.
You know when you’re in that first blossoming love phase, how suddenly everything around you seems better. Well, having great self-love can do that too. Quite literally the power of love can change your world, but it starts with you. So what do you do if rather loving yourself, you think of yourself as that person still sitting on the side of the hall waiting for someone to ask them to dance? You take it slow my friends.
Now here’s some extra bits. Put yourself first. Okay. This can be hard, but start with small things like saying no to an 8:30 dinner when you know you feel better eating by 7:00. Boundaries are gold. Stop comparing yourself with others and it will also help you stop judging, which is great for you. You want to improve your circle, fill your time with things that help you feel good about yourself. You want to embrace your creativity and passions.
10 minutes a day in this world can give you a boost like a vitamin B shot in your butt. Remember, there’s no such thing as silly dancing in your underwear at home, grow to love your body and yep, try the mirror exercise in the freebie section. You want to conquer a fear you have rather, take yourself on a date night, anything from a movie to dinner to mountain tracking or a float tank, make it special and only for you.
Speak up more positive and negative. Expressing how you feel is a really powerful action. Forgive yourself and others. It’s a poison. Remember turn off from the world and think the most amazing things about yourself in the world. Finally, if you need it, and many of us do, get help. There’s no greater gift than that of loving yourself. It may be learning more about personal development, working with a coach or going down a therapeutic road, whatever works for you is what I really, really encourage you do.
But first watch all the way to the end of this video, subscribe and do all that stuff. Then turn off your notifications, turn up the music and shake your body and dance like you are on fire. There’s some instant self-love right there.
I can’t exactly do an episode about love and not talk about dating or should I start with, “It’s not like it was back in the good old days when you met people at a club or with friends.” No, actually the pool’s way bigger now. Done well, online dating is an amazing invention. Done badly, and it can become an addictive behavior, chasing that next dopamine hit from a swipe. Sometimes it can feel like a meat market if you want to look at it that way, with swiping the real life version of being paraded for trade in one of Littlefinger’s brothels in Game of Thrones.
If you go into it without being prepared for all of it, it can be brutal. I recently had a friend who wanted to dip her toes back into this world of wonder, and she’d been following my recent escapades. She realized when she was honest with herself, that she wasn’t ready for the bad that would, chances are, happen at some point. Brilliant decision. It also made me remember how interesting some of my dates and conversations had been. To give you an idea, next time I’m asked what my cup sizes in a chat, “I’m going to say G for gorgeous.”
To those of you that think Perfect Match should come back or maybe you want to give First Dates a chance, I say, give online dating a go, but do it with intentionality. Be honest about who you are and speak like you. If banter and innuendo is not your thing, don’t pretend. And if you’re all about AFL, shout it from the rooftops. Use current photos and no filters. Be respectful. Say that I need to message someone back, ADH brain, if I don’t do it back straight away, I can forget. Do not have your kids or your ex in a photo. Okay. Be clear about what you are looking for and that starts with knowing yourself.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting a hookup or a long-term relationship, but let people know. Meet people quickly if you are interested, but have a phone buddy to check in on the date. If they do something in a chat that you wouldn’t actually like in the real world, speak up or end it. Look broader than your usual type, but keep your list of things you are looking for as priority and blue eyes should not be a deal breaker. You need to look after your heart and the rest of your life in this process. So set limits on how much time you spend doing it.
Chat with friends about what’s going on as well. I recommend paying for the app. Don’t just use the free versions because it often gives you much better control. Lastly, don’t give up, but take breaks. I’m having a break at the moment. It’s good for my soul and my workload. Because if you expect to find true love on date, number two, chances are you’re going to be disappointed.
Adding Sex into your Personal Development Toolbox
I could hardly do a month about love and not talk about sex. As I’ve said before, sex and love are not the same thing even though many of us have at some stage confused this issue. Ironically, my self-love developed more when I took a greater control of my sex life. Don’t misunderstand me. I was confident about so many things, but that deep self-love was on pretty shaky ground sometimes.
A few years ago I was on stage at a TEDx pitch night at the Sydney Opera House. And yes, I talked about sex. The talk was adding sex to your personal development toolbox and well, here it is.
When you feel like you’ve done everything from fire walking to tapping in a world of personal development yet you know there’s room for more, for you to be more. What do you do? You get sexually empowered and fast. Sex is natural. Sex is good. Not everybody does it, but everybody should. I’ve always liked sex. So what made this journey any different from many of my other sex exploitations?
Well, I was in control. I was asking for and getting exactly what I wanted. For someone who felt guilty asking for extra water at a restaurant, this was a really big deal. It’s like starting anything new. It’s a learning curve. And this was a really steep one. First come, the apps, Tinder, Bumble, Feel’d, it’s a whole world out there.
And when you’re not looking for love, it’s a very different language also. Everything from the photos you choose to the hidden code in your profile text has to be put together like an award-winning theater production. It’s choreographed, it’s scripted, it’s designed, it’s produced and ultimately performed.
I’ve thought I would faint, literally the first time I arranged a meet up. “Hey, we’re all adults here.” It was a four star hotel room, city location. My instructions to him was simple. Bring your A game, French champagne. I had simple needs, wants and desires and I was terrified. You don’t need all the details. So all I’ll say is tonight was hot and he followed the instructions perfectly.
The chick in a dialogue would’ve normally started, will he call? Do I call him? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Not a whisper inside my mind. I was done. I asked for and got what I wanted. I wonder would this new mojo bleed into other areas of my life? Would it work if I asked the universe for something bigger, I didn’t get that carried away. I simply moved onto my next sexual experience that I wanted.
And as a bisexual, this opened up a whole lot of pathways from helping to run a very sexy and very select party group to a threesome for Valentine’s day and a younger man with my personal to-do list. I think I chalked up a lot of things on my sexual vision board. So empowered, so energized, so sexy, so at one with myself and my body. Could it have simply been the release of those fabulous endogenous hormones like dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin?
No, it wasn’t just about the post-coital high. Maybe the studies that show sex does similar things to your brain as meditation, are actually right. Could a better sex life be the missing piece of your personal development toolbox? Yes. Saying yes to what I wanted and more importantly, no, to what I didn’t, was becoming part of my natural state with the bonus that my fear of rejection was diminishing. It was so enlightening when that shame started to wear off.
I still had this internal sparkle and I knew it would all be okay. My wants and my needs were changing. Love is now back on my vision board. The more confident and charismatic me now knew that I could go for whatever my desire, whatever area of my life. So I encourage you to go out and add sex to your personal development toolbox.
Thank you so much for watching this week’s episode of the Samantha Leith show. I hope you loved it. Please head on over to Samantha Leith.com/freebies to get the worksheets for this month and don’t forget to spread the love by subscribing, commenting, and sharing this video. Until next time don’t forget to love yourself because you are extraordinary, you.
? The Rose Songwriters: Amanda Mc Broom
© Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp., Third Story Music, Inc.
?️ Produced by Samantha Leith / Michael Allen Vocals by Samantha Leith
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