Are you ready to be the extraordinary person you were born to be? The life you’ve always dreamt of is so much easier than you think, and we are going to look at how this month on The Samantha Leith Show with me, Samantha Leith. Over the four weeks, we’re going to look at clarity, confidence, courage, and charisma, which what I think are the four key components of how to be extraordinary. Let’s go.
Last week, we got stuck into clarity. So this week, we are moving on to confidence, one of my most favorite topics ever. Confidence is that beautiful state of having full trust in oneself, our abilities, our traits, our bodies, and even more, everything that makes us who we are. Confidence is also a really freaking loaded topic. Some people think confidence is all about walking into a room as though you own the place with your ego firmly out on display for the world. Nope.
It took lots of thinking time for me to work out why I was confident when I seemingly had lots of bits that most people thought would make me anything but confident. I wasn’t financially successful. My long-term relationships were other people’s ideas of a fling. My career was a mixed bag, and, hey, at one point, I was about 140 kilos. How the was I confident? It was the little things that all added up. I could sing. I made people feel special in the right situations. I felt like I had style. I was a good person. I could cook up a storm. I always did my job. And when I set a goal I really wanted, I generally achieved it. There were other things that added to this confidence, but you get the gist.
Confidence is all about what you think about yourself. Bottom line, nobody can add to it or diminish it. It’s your brain that does that. And for most people, our brains are evil geniuses at times. The truth is things can happen in our external world that, because of the narrative in our brain, make us feel more or less confident. And for flash of the blindingly obvious, the more confident you are, the less these things impact us.
Our confidence journey starts from when we were teeny-tiny. When you draw something and your mom says, “That’s a gorgeous flower,” and you were trying to draw her, you take a hit. And when you cook a great meal and your family lap up its deliciousness, you get a really big boost. It’s like a yo-yo, up and down and up and down. This isn’t bad. We need to know that we aren’t perfect, no such thing, if you ask me, that we won’t all get a trophy just for turning up. But wow, when we show our truth and do our best, we get rewarded.
We know inside, really, we do the good, the bad and the ugly bad ourselves, and having the confidence to love yourself for all of that is magic. So let’s take a peek at some of the things that can help you build your confidence. Shall we?
I talked a lot about habits in episode one to five. So I encourage you to go back and have a look. Bottom line, when we create good habits, we increase our confidence. By breaking the less perfect habit loops, the ones like you have a bad day, you reach for a martini, then you order the Uber Eats and binge on the couch, rather than doing those things you really wanted to get done, you increase the self-belief you have, which makes it easier to keep going with the good habits. This habit ability increases the more you focus on it and will have a positive impact on every aspect of your life, I promise. Tips. Start small. Increase them as you go. Be prepared to fail. Have the commitment to start again. Break it down if you can. Be patient and get an accountability buddy.
I’ve said it before. In fact, I think it was episode five. The single biggest factor to achieving success is setting goals, and the setting and achieving goals has a compound effect on building your confidence. Think of each goal as a workout building your confidence muscle. Remember, your goals are unique to you, your values, passions, dreams, et cetera. They’re as unique as your DNA.
Locke and Latham, in 2006, found that setting goals was linked with higher motivation, self-esteem, self-confidence, and autonomy. Sounds pretty dan good to me. So how do we set goals? Just throw them out there? No. There’s a few different methods, and I primarily work with the GROW and the SMART methods, which is similar but different. Same, same, but different. Gee, that explains so much, Samantha Mary.
Anyway, for this exercise, we’re going to get stuck into how to set SMART goals.
S is for SPECIFIC. Each goal must be specific and clearly defined as possible. You have multiple goals, but each one must be clear.
M is for MEASURABLE. Each goal must also be clearly defined metric for how it can be measured, either for progress or the end of the goal.
A is for ACHIEVABLE. It can be easy to get carried away when setting goals, but a goal that is ultimately not achievable will deplete your motivation. Keep goals smaller and achievable, and you can build on them and add later.
R is for RELEVANT or REALISTIC. This is where putting some time into planning your goals can really pay off. There’s no point in pursuing a goal that doesn’t match your core values or help you with your grand vision for life. And as for realistic, well not to diminish my capabilities, but me setting a goal to be a competitive tennis player is pretty stupid. My hand-eye coordination has been known to have people on the floor in laughter, and yep, I’m one of those people that can’t even play pool when I’m drunk.
Where was I?
T is for TIME-BOUND or TIMELY. This links nicely with the achievable step. Make sure you set realistic deadlines for each goal and its required steps, and that will help you stay focused and motivated.
Now, don’t get carried away with this process and create a gazillion goals that will probably lead to feeling like shite because you didn’t achieve them, which, guess what, will diminish your confidence, and around and around we go. I would start, and yep, there’s a worksheet in the freebie section, to help you with looking at each area of your wheel of life. Come up with one to two goals in each and the timeframe you’d like to achieve them in. Take your time, think big and small, and have fun. And if you start thinking, “Oh, I’ll never be able to do it,” stop, breathe, reflect. Think about some goals you’ve already achieved in life. Bingo, confidence boosted.
A couple of tips. Don’t have all your goals due on the same day. Remember to write in the positive and as though it’s already happened. Here’s an example. So 30th of June 2022, and I am so pumped that I learned to cook a new international meal every week for 52 weeks. You can go meet Nigella. Oh, I haven’t been doing that cooking thing, but you get the idea.
There are many common traits of confident people from having a growth mindset to honoring the commitments they make to themselves and being able to ask for help. All of these traits help to build your confidence stack. And seriously, as I said in episode nine, it’s like Jenga. When you have a wibble-wobble in one area, you have the strength to weather the storm. It’s all of about your self-acceptance and advocacy and control and discipline. The list goes on all the way down to self-worth. And the downloads for the confidence, boosters and traits will help you with more ideas for these. Honestly, a quick spray of perfume and dressing for success will have your confidence soaring as high as those heels I was wearing in an instant.
Thank you so much for watching this week’s episode of The Samantha Leith Show. I do really believe you are born to be extraordinary, and I’d love to help you achieve your vision. So head on over to www.samanthaleith.com/freebies, I always forget which way, for this month’s workbook and tag me or message me about your progress.
Please like, share, comment, and subscribe so I can help more people to see the extraordinary in themselves.
🎶 Fuckin’ Perfect
Songwriters: Alecia Moore / Johan Schuster / Max Martin © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
🎙️ Produced by Samantha Leith / Michael Allen
Vocals by Samantha Leith