Am I mental? Well probably, but that’s another blog post.
We have to go back to the very beginning……
I guess we should start with the fact I was actually engaged, had the ring and everything – I
wasn’t living out a real-life Muriel’s Wedding scenario, I promise.
Then it ended.
Wrong everything really.
You see I had done what many a woman and man have done before me, I’d picked a partner with similar traits to someone important to me, and if I’m really honest, it was probably about ‘saving’ them.
Yep, I was engaged to an alcoholic, just like my father.
Did I actually even want to get married? I honestly don’t know.
He asked. I like parties, and I wanted my mum (who was ill & living with us) to be ‘mother of the bride’ before she died.
So, I chose a bridesmaid, schlepped around frock shops with my mum in tow and chose ‘the dress’. Once I got over the shock of the price and the terrible thing they do with bridal sizing, I placed the order.
Needless to say – and I’m sure you don’t want to hear all the stories. My mother died, I broke off the engagement, cancelled the venue, etc. and got on with life.
The dress was still there though.
Next stop, do what many people do – pop it online and sell it. Sounds so easy. Well, it’s not.
A couple of years later and the dress was still there, literally ‘hanging around’. People has inquired. People had tried it on. I’d dropped the price. NADA.
Then I decided I’d gift it to one of those amazing charities that make gowns for still born babies from wedding dresses. Hello Covid. Neither of the charities I could find were taking donations anymore. So there it still hung.
Fast forward to about a month ago, and I had a wake up and I decided to trash it.
What was I thinking? All the bad juju. Who would want to buy a wedding dress that says, ‘never worn’? Gives me bad love feelings just thinking about it.
I messaged my closest friends and asked them over. Didn’t tell them what we were doing, simply asked that they wear something that can get dirty and that they think about a belief or habit, etc. that they want gone from their lives. I did tell my darling daughter Elodie who thought it was a great idea, but I was a little crazy. Takes one as they say.
Bring on the day.
Champagne. Food. Friends. Fabulous weather – totally perfect.
When we were seated, I explained what I wanted us all to do.
Then we all got into it.
A combination of tears and laughter followed.
We took permanent markers and wrote all over the top layer of lace as well as the underneath satin and tulle. We ripped it. We were all in.
I won’t say what my friends wrote, in fact I only saw some of them, and all I will say is mine revolved around love, money, health, boundaries and career.
‘F doing things for others’ was my final scribble on the tag of this Kenneth Winston masterpiece.
Then came the ‘trashing’.
We hung the dress on the tree in the front garden and all took to it with 24 different colors of acrylic paint. Paint brushes. Splotches. Water balloons filled with paint.
The final dress is to some a piece of art. To me it is a symbol of the love of lifelong friends and the cleansing of ourselves – each in different ways.
Obviously, I had to make a cake to match the dress and the theme, you should have seen me throwing icing at the cake to mimic the dress earlier that day. Hilarious.
The champagne flowed and we were all at peace. Everyone had gotten something out of this event.
Am I sad that I never got to wear this dress? No. Funny thing is it would have been way too big for me now anyway.
In so many ways trashing the dress was what I believe to be the best thing.
A couple of weeks later, and I am no longer in that new unhealthy relationship, I’ve put better boundaries up with some people and am on track in business.
The proof is in the pudding so to speak!
So, what is the point of me sharing this?
Well, I believe (as do many others) that we can only bring good into our lives when we clear away the negative, the detritus of our lives.
What can you trash, throw away or give away to make way for something fabulous?
It’s even better if you can make it ceremonial in some way.
If you do anything exciting, please let me know. Tag me on social @samanthaleith so I can see what you’ve done!